Don’t Let Social Media Anxiety Hold You Back with Jennifer van Alstyne
Social media is like having a microphone that allows you to share your academic writing with a larger audience. So why do so many people – especially professors – shy away from it? In this article, Jennifer van Alstyne delves into why we experience social media anxiety and what we can do about it.
Photo by Prateek Katyal on Unsplash
Are you a social media lurker? Most people on social media are lurkers, though it doesn’t always feel like that because the people we see in our home feeds aren’t. The people we see most often tend to be sharing not just once in a while, but often.
There are many reasons people, especially professors, stay more private on social media.
Here are some I’ve come across:
I don’t think people care about what I have to say.
What will my students think if they follow me?
If I say the wrong thing, will I get reported?
I just like to scroll, but I don’t really engage.
I don’t know what to say.
I’m nervous about my supervisor seeing what I post.
Will my post go viral and get me in trouble?
What if I don’t want to post about my work?
I have a general anxiety/fear over social media.
Whether you’re a social media lurker or anxious about putting yourself out there, I hope my story helps you. I’m Jennifer van Alstyne, a communications strategist for academics, researchers, and organizations. I help people share their work in online spaces, like social media.
Fear kept me away from social media
While I’m active on social media now, it might surprise you to learn I was so scared of social media, I deleted all my accounts. When I returned, years later, I kept my accounts very private: just for family and personal friends.
There are a few ways people use to control their privacy
Staying off social media altogether
Keeping your accounts private
Using an anonymous account
Having a traditional account, but not posting yourself except for the occasional share/retweet
Use customized Privacy Settings in each social media platform
I’ve used all of these at one point or another.
While I did have a fear of being judged on social media, and kind of general anxiety about friends who had huge followings and tons of likes, that isn’t why I left social media.
I deleted my social media accounts after leaving a physically abusive relationship when I was 18. The idea of being seen by the person I feared most felt paralyzing. At the time, I was scared to sleep. I jumped every time the phone rang. Eventually, I moved on campus where I felt safer.
As I began to heal, I started to recognize how small I’d let my world get. I missed the friendships and larger network I’d stopped communicating with. Staying off social media altogether was no longer right for me. So I started a new Facebook account and sent out friend requests one at a time. Baby steps.
I kept being surprised when people connected. I looked deeper into my past, reaching out to childhood friends. Having so many people connect in a short timeframe made me feel good about myself because they were real people I knew. I started connecting with my professors, visiting writers, or people I met at events. When I presented at my 1st conference in undergrad, I connected with my fellow panelists.
Photo by Georgia de Lotz on Unsplash
Social media networking
Later I would learn what that was called: I was networking on social media, one person at a time. Do you groan when you hear the word networking?
As Malisa Kurtz, PhD says on the Beyond the Professoriate blog, “I didn’t realize at the time that networking is just relationship-building—getting to know people I liked, following up with them, and also supporting them when I could.” Dr. Kurtz said networking is about
Relationship-building
Getting to know people
Following-up with them
Supporting them when possible
And while she wasn’t talking about using social media for networking specifically, these things are all possible there.
Social media is great for relationship-building because it allows you and another person to connect. You can get in touch with that person, and engage with what they share. It’s a great way to get to know them in a more passive way than sometimes ‘networking’ feels.
Following-up may look like a comment or reply. Maybe, it’s a direct message. Social media allows us to support people when it’s possible because we’re more likely to see when we can help. That might look like a Like, or “Congratulations!” It can also be
Asking for advice
Help to connect them with someone you know
Sharing a resource
Friendship
Networking on social media is really about finding an audience who cares. That’s why moving past your social media anxiety is so important.
Maybe your social media anxiety is more about work. Don’t let fear of your university or students hold you back from being present. Be aware of what you’re saying and that it can be shared. But don’t let that keep you from speaking at all.
I’ve come up with these tips to help you move forward.
Think about how you spend your time on social media and why
Take it one step at a time while checking your comfort level
Join conversations
Practice bragging the right way
Think about how you spend your time on social media and why
Why do you lurk on social media? Maybe it’s one of the reasons I listed at the top of this article. Maybe you have a story like mine, and there’s a specific reason you’ve wanted to stay private on social media.
Before you jump in, consider how and why you use social media the way you do now.
2. Take it one step at a time while checking your comfort level
Don’t try to do it all at once and become super active on social media right away. Take things one step at a time, and check-in with yourself to gauge your comfort level.
I went from being off social media to taking my current accounts out of Private mode. I posted some original content there (mostly personal photos or news). Then, I ventured out onto other social media platforms like Twitter. Now, I’m doing live video on YouTube, like my upcoming chat with Dr. Caitlin Faas about Social Media and Procrastination.
I’ve definitely broken out of my comfort zone on social media. It’s okay to try something new, even if you’re a bit uncertain.
3. Join conversations
The best way to start engaging on social media is to join conversations. It’s another effective way to stop scrolling on social media.
By replying to posts that you like or are interested in, you’re practicing meaningful engagement. Leave a comment on a post you like. It might spark a larger conversation. It’s up to you how much you want to engage, or not.
4. Practice bragging the right way
Practice writing a good news social media post, and sharing it with a personal audience like your family and friends. I know it seems easy, but imposter syndrome tends to strike academics hard when sharing good news no matter how accomplished you are.
When you brag, don’t apologize. And, be specific. Help people understand what your good news is, and why it’s important to you. While social comparison can leave us anxious about sharing good news, practicing it just once tends to make people feel good from the response.
Academic vs. Public Writing on Social Media
“I should be writing” is a common sentiment of academics on the #AcWri hashtag on Twitter. And that sentiment, the idea of academic vs. public writing, holds many professors back from social media. They’re not sure if it’s supposed to be academic or personal. How public does public writing have to be?
Social media is like having a microphone. You can turn it on when you want to reach people. You also have a lot of control over the settings. Some social media platforms help you reach a lot of people at once, like Twitter. Whereas others help you reach the people you’ve already connected with like Facebook and LinkedIn.
Being present on social media allows you to share your academic work and life when you want to. It allows you to connect with a larger audience to share your academic writing with all your audiences
Academic
Personal
Public
Good luck on your social media journey, and remember it’s okay if things change over time.
To take the first steps to manage your online presence as an academic, join my free course The Internet for Academics.
Bio
Jennifer van Alstyne is a communications strategist for faculty and researchers. At The Academic Designer LLC, Jennifer helps people and organizations share their work with the world in online spaces. Her blog/podcast, The Social Academic shares advice articles and interviews twice a month. She is a Peruvian-American poet and independent scholar with a focus on representations of nature in poetry. Connect with Jennifer on Twitter @HigherEdPR.
Why We Self-Sabotage as Academics
As academics, we know how to gather our gold stars and make things happen within our universities. But many of us struggle with other aspects of our lives – we get in our own way. This post explains how to put an end to self-sabotage and realize your full potential.
Photo by Monika Kozub on Unsplash
We’re a successful group of people, we academics are. We have climbed school and career ladders that other people only dream about but rarely accomplish. We know how to gather our gold stars and make things happen within our universities and higher education institutions.
Yet, many of us struggle with aspects of our lives outside of academia. We overeat. We overdrink. We procrastinate on a big project we really want. We struggle with finances. Or in our relationships with other people. We walk around with the myth that “we can’t have it all,” and we very often tend to get in our own way.
Dr. Gay Hendricks provides vocabulary around these ideas in his book, The Big Leap. In his book, Dr. Hendricks describes what he refers to as the “upper limit problem” which is often experienced by us in academia.
Wondering what this looks like? Well, this often happens when we publish something amazing or when we win the grant money, but then we can’t seem to relish it. Instead, we snap ourselves back to reality and find a way to sabotage our success. We downplay it with others and move on to the next goal.
But we don’t have to do that! Instead, we can discover our giftings and live out of the places where we excel most.
Four Zones of the Big Leap
Dr. Hendricks writes about the four zones we find ourselves in:
Zone of Incompetence
The things we’re just not good at.
There are lots of skills we don’t have and aren’t interested in developing. For instance, I have no desire to learn how to fix things in my car so I typically have no problem leaving that up to my husband. A few weeks ago I thought, “I can change my own headlight. I’ll watch a YouTube video.” I watched for a few minutes and realized it was more complicated than I thought. Instead of continuing to spend time figuring it out, I let it go. It’s in my zone of incompetence and I’m okay with that!
Zone of Competence
Things we’re okay at.
I’m a competent cook. I did spend time building cooking skills in my teenage years (thank you, 4-H!). I enjoyed it then. But now, it’s not something I want to pursue. I can make a good dinner, yes. But who is even better at it? My husband. Cooking is in a different zone for him than for me. So if we put that on his plate (pun intended), we’re both winning.
Zone of Excellence
Things we’re good at and have developed skills in.
In my own Zone of Excellence, I have many characteristics, such as enthusiasm, discipline, connecting people, warmth/kindness, optimism, joy, intelligence, reflection, and analytic skills. It’s comfortable for me to be here. I can tap into these strengths in a variety of ways.
Zone of Genius
Where we really shine and excel when we’re in the flow.
Finding your zone of genius is like thinking about Russian nesting dolls. Where are you when you’re in the flow? That’s the first layer.
For me, my Zone of Genius begins in a classroom or a coachings session. But then, I consider that coaching is all about helping others learn. Digging deeper into that, I realize that I’m at my best when I am learning and others are learning too. As the layers are peeled off, something more detailed emerges from inside and I discover more specifically where my Genius Zone lies.
Strengths and Superpowers
Dr. Katie Linder has a comparable concept with different language. She calls them “strengths” (Zone of Excellence), and “superpowers” (Zone of Genius). Strengths are great but the Zone of Genius is where greatness is fully amplified. It’s where you naturally do well. It’s the place where you operate so automatically that it can very quickly trigger the imposter syndrome. We wonder why others are praising us for something we’re so good at!
How do we find our Zone of Genius? Well, it’s not always easy and it takes a bit of work. In the search for our superpowers, we ask ourselves questions like:
What do I love doing?
What have I always enjoyed doing, even when I was a kid?
What would I do if I didn’t have any barriers?
How do I like to spend my free time?
What fits me so naturally that I almost feel like I’m cheating?
Fighting Hidden Barriers
Hidden barriers are ways we get in our own way of living in our Zone of Genius. We doubt ourselves and pull back. We start to shine and throw up lots of obstacles. We think it shouldn’t be this easy, so we make it difficult on ourselves. We do this when we’ve experienced lots of Zone of Genius moments.
As with the number of zones, we find four roadblocks that keep us from functioning in our sweet spot:
Hidden Barrier #1 - Fundamentally Flawed/Fear of Failure
In this barrier, we convince ourselves that we are not worthy of enjoying our genius so we play it safe and sit on the sidelines. We fear that we won’t succeed so we don’t even try.
Hidden Barrier #2 - Disloyalty and Abandonment
Here we believe the message that others will turn away from us if we dwell in our Zone of Genius. We assume that others in our community will feel threatened or otherwise upset and we will ultimately end up all alone.
Hidden Barrier #3 - More Success Brings Burdens
With this barrier we tend to downplay the lives of celebrities to make ourselves feel better about our lack of success. We might have ideas such as: “I’d be/have an even bigger burden than I am/do right now if I became successful.”
Personally, I often think thoughts like this: “Well, at least no one is looking in my windows or wanting to take my trash. If I were famous like Dr. Brene Brown, I’d have to deal with those things. And who wants that?” It’s a point of self-sabotage meant to make me feel better about my less-than-ness.
Hidden Barrier #4 - The Fear of Outshining
We send ourselves messages like these: “I don’t want to get in other people’s way. I want them to have success too, so I’ll play it small in order to let them shine.”
It’s so easy to become complacent and allow barriers to keep us from our genius. In fact, I see it all the time with my clients who don’t really want to live in their zone of genius. They are afraid and they continue an inner monologue that justifies their fears. Ultimately, they want to play small and hide.
We can choose to get out of our own way by only saying yes to things that are in our Zone of Genius.
Consider making this commitment as Dr. Hendricks suggests: “I am 100% committed to living in my Zone of Genius.”
And that means saying no to a lot of great opportunities so that you can say yes to the perfect opportunity! Why busy yourself with doing only those things you are competent at so that you aren’t available when the true, genius opportunities show their faces?
Photo by Edu Lauton on Unsplash
Living It Out
Now that I’ve introduced the zone of genius concept to you, it’s time for application. Personally, I needed a life coach to hold the space for me to explore these ideas. I could certainly carve out the time to sit down and make myself think about it. But I need prompts and someone to guide my thought process. So I use a coach. Having someone else to hold the space for you to discover your superpowers makes all the difference!
Examples of Success
Doing this type of work brings such clarity to daily decisions. Because I know when I’m in my Zone of Genius, I know exactly what to say no to. Sometimes I have to turn down what seem to be amazing opportunities because I know it’s not in my Zone of Genius.
For instance, I could analyze statistics all day, every day. It’s in my Zone of Excellence! It’s fun for me! But is it in my Zone of Genius, where I love being? Not anymore. So I say no to it. Even when it seems so attractive.
Another way to think about it is on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being something you would love to do. If it’s a 7, it’s probably in your Zone of Excellence, but not your Genius Zone. We have to be wise about saying no to 7 opportunities, even though they are better than 3-5 opportunities!
Right now, coaching is in my Zone of Genius. And I would be honored to be your coach to help you figure out the difference between your Zones of Excellence and Genius. Read my take on why academics should or shouldn’t hire a life coach.
You can stop settling for your Zone of Excellence. Take the leap and let me help you to also live in your Zone of Genius!
How to Get Started on Improving Your Habits
Know you want to work on a new habit, but don't know where to begin? This video points out the key first step in getting started.
We all have habits we want to improve.
Often our habits overlap too. We may have eating habits, exercise habits, cleaning and organizing habits that we want to start. Gretchen Rubin calls this list of common habits the "essential seven" because so many people want to work on them.
But how do we get started on changing our behavior?
That's the topic of this week's video. Check it out below.
I'm excited to talk to you today about how to get started to improve your habits and this is a really common technique, but something that gets overlooked too often and something I even forget to do myself sometimes.
Monitor what you’re doing now
When you want to improve a habit you want to change your behavior, one of the first things we want to know is what are you currently doing? And that means, are you tracking or monitoring your current behavior? I see this a lot with clients when they say, “I want to take control of my time” or “I want to change my schedule.” And I say, “Well, what does today look like?” “What did yesterday look like?” “What are you doing tomorrow?” And all of those moments seemed to be lost. They're not sure and maybe they can get a little bit of it, but without tracking, writing it down or putting it in their phone, they struggle to see where the time has really gone. It's such a powerful step to see all this in person when you can see it on paper, see it on your phone, in a document.
Change your behavior based on what you see
Some ways that this – this has really helped me two ways specifically even here in 2017, one would be that I knew I wanted to know where my extra money was going, that extra income of things I could spend whatever I want on.
But I resisted apps on my phone about it like, “I'm not gonna use that app. I'm just not feeling it out.” But my planner, my paper planner this year actually has a spot to track that extra money. And so, I was just able to write down every day here's what I spent and I get into that routine. Sure enough, all of that financial advice they say about lattes add up, yeah, they really do. And so, I was able to see not only do they add up, I can see exactly where they add up for me specifically, so things like that. That's one way I use the power of tracking in the past couple of months.
Watch good habits snowball
The other way would be from trying to brush my dog's teeth. I have two dogs, Calvin and Rosie, and the vet of course recommends brushing their teeth every day and I thought I probably only brush their teeth maybe once a month when I think about it, which is pretty bad I suppose. But I hadn't thought about this and I said, “Okay. I'm going to track when I brush their teeth.” And I have something on the side of my fridge where I can use a little dry erase marker. And I said, “Okay, I'm going to track.”
And I got excited to get the momentum going of wanting to check off all seven days of the week and then it snowballed of course, right? Because I want all seven days, I want the gold star so to speak – gold star junkie if we haven't met – literally, I give them out to my students – so, I wanted to check it off and then I could start to see the benefits. After a couple of weeks of brushing my dog's teeth every day, I could see that this really is helpful to them and I could make it part of my routine. But it was only through tracking and monitoring that I was able to enact those two behaviors.
So I want to ask you today, what is something that you want to work on in your life – a habit and how can you track it?
Is it on paper? Is it on your phone? Is it a recommitment to tracking that you've tried to track before but haven't been able to do it? What might it be?
I look forward to hearing from you about what you're tracking or monitoring and this new thing that you want to change.
Share your thoughts in the comments!
The Danger of "I'll Be Happy When..."
Fill in the blank, "I'll be happy when..." Read this post to see why that is a dangerous thought, no matter how you fill in the blank!
Almost all of us have said at some point, "I'll be happy when..."
I make more money.
I start working full-time.
I find a romantic partner.
I get out of debt.
I figure out what I'm doing with my life.
Sound familiar? Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky wrote an entire book about the topic titled, "The Myths of Happiness." Most of the book is geared at adults who are over 30, but I think the idea especially applies to young adults. So many of my students say, "I'll be happy when I finish school and graduate."
But really, waiting for the 'when' means you aren't paying attention to right now.
Why can't you be happy right now, in this moment? Step back and think about what you are grateful for, even if there is a lot to look forward to. What is pleasant in your life? Do you get to spend time with friends? Or have the ability to stay up late, get up early for work, and still be able to do your job in the morning? Do you have people you love? What about a favorite song that just came out? These are the little moments that make up right now.
Can you look back on a moment in your life and say, "I should have enjoyed those moments more"?
That's the same idea here. If you can think about a moment in your past wistfully - some day this moment too will be a memory like that. Memory fades a lot of the tension, anxiety, and drama that comes with the day to day. That's why a lot of older adults look back fondly on being a young adult and say things like, 'Enjoy it while it lasts!" Forgetting about feeling like you have no money and are stressed out all the time, just 'waiting for your life to begin.'
As you reflect, there will always be more "whens" in your future.
When I think about the "whens" I imagined when I was twenty years old, I'm pretty sure I have accomplished most of them. I'm literally living my "happily ever after." But it would be really easy for me to get caught in new "whens." I'll be happy when I pay this off, when I reach this career milestone, when the nieces and nephews are all grown up. But I stop and remind myself about the "myths of happiness." Instead, I remember to be mindful and practice gratitude. The Greater Good Science Center has a long list of ways to cultivate happiness in healthy, productive ways. I encourage you to check it out.
And tell us below in the comments - what "when" statement resonates with you?
5 Books to Read Right Now for Self Improvement
Links and comments about five books that can help you with self improvement today.
Self improvement books are one of my favorite things to read and share. It is almost a guarantee that if someone asks me about a particular topic, I have a book to recommend. And for friends and family, if it is close to a holiday, I am probably buying the book for them. Cue the eye rolling from my sisters when another Amazon package shows up on their doorstep.
Here on the blog I want to share my top recommendations for self improvement books to read right now. Choose one that you find appealing and dive right in. I recommend these books because they are based on current research and/or written by experts in their respective fields.
The How of Happiness by Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky
I read this book as part of a women's happiness group in graduate school. The author is an expert in the field and writes about happiness a friendly, easy to read way. At the same time, she does not sugarcoat happiness or guarantee that you will be happy all the time after reading this book. Instead, she includes action steps for each of the ways to improve happiness. So you can jump right in and implement a strategy into your life. Absolutely a must read if you have any interest in understanding happiness!
Living Forward by Michael Hyatt and Daniel Harkavy
This is a new book that I just finished myself. The theme of reflection and writing to your future self has really taken off in the past couple of years. In this book, the authors provide a strategy for considering where you want your life to go in the future. You start with the end in mind by writing your eulogy (a favorite exercise among developmental scientists) and create action plans to work towards life fulfillment. It is a short little book that requires a lot of homework, but well worth it.
Better Than Before by Gretchen Rubin
Gretchen Rubin is one of my favorite people of all time - I have seen her speak (in person) twice. This is her latest book, which really delves into a lot of research about how to become a better version of yourself. She breaks down the four tendencies, or categories of behaviors that tend to explain how we operate on a daily basis. Read the book so you can reflect on your own tendencies and how the people in your life have similar or different tendencies. Me - I'm totally an "upholder!"
The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg
When people want to change or improve their lives, sometimes they forget the basics. We don't usually need radical changes in our lives. We need to adjust our habits. Charles Duhigg explores habits and tells relevant stories throughout the book to help us understand how we use habits everyday. I have found the more consistent my habits, the easier it is to be creative.
Mindset by Dr. Carol Dweck
The science of mindsets has almost made its way into mainstream media, but not quite yet. Do you know the difference between a fixed and a growth mindset? Dr. Dweck is the leading researcher in the field and she breaks it down in a friendly way in her book. Without the belief that you can change and grow, it is nearly impossible to make upward progress.