Where to start when getting unstuck

When you are trying to get yourself unstuck, it can be hard to know where to start. Feeling stuck can be very overwhelming, but a great place to start is examining what you absorbed growing up. Then you can start to make changes moving forward. 

In your journey you can sit down and assess several things:

• What generation were you born into?

• What ‘should haves’ have you adopted over the years?

• Where are you developmentally in life?

• What is different in your life now than previously?

Recognizing where you are compared to where you were is a big step in the right direction.

Many high-achievers remember having very clear expectations of what they were going to do with their lives. But, once they meet those goals, they often find themselves unhappy. This is a sign that it’s time for them to hop off the hamster wheel and take back control! Sound familiar? Let’s talk about what’s next.

Once you have gotten a sense of what expectations you have adopted for yourself you can start to piece together the identities you have taken on throughout your professional career as well. Many of the ideals that you adopted as your ‘should haves’ got you where you are today, so how do you separate those from who you are today, and where you want to go?

You can start by creating a timeline of your development.

I walk you through these steps in my book. You’ll move through different stages of adulthood that you have experienced and reflect on your milestones such as going to college, how many times you’ve moved, and any significant events.

Once you have your history mapped out, you’ll move on to reflecting. Think about your future self reflecting on this timeline, what would you like to have done differently? What would your future self tell you to stop doing or change? Reflect without judgment and be compassionate. 

Now that you know your history and your identity foundation, you can start to create clear goals for yourself and begin thinking about yourself outside of the ‘should haves’ that you have taken on over the years!

All this advice giving is interrupting my relationships

I give too much advice and I'm going to stop. Well, probably not actually. But I'm becoming more aware of when I do it.

I did it to my friend, Amelia today. We're on Zoom, catching up. She's the mom of a newborn, talking about how her daughter has been fussy the past couple of nights. And I ask, "Did you have to change your diet?" 

The words spilled out of me without even thinking. I didn't pause. I said the words before I even recognized them. 

She went on to explain that she looked it up and she doesn't need to change what she's eating. We've been friends for over a decade, so it didn't even phase her that I asked the question. She's seen the raw, unedited judgmental Caitlin more times than I can count.

We did then shift to a good conversation about why we do this to parents. Especially new parents. Now, I do have a Ph.D. in Human Development with a specialization in Child and Adolescent Development. But so does Amelia. We went to graduate school together. We took almost every class together. She's one of the smartest people I know. Was I assuming she hadn't Googled everything about the topic already? Was I also assuming, that as a woman who hasn't given birth or raised a newborn, I have an answer for her? 

She didn't even ask me what to do. Or for a recommendation. She was conveying her daily news. She wanted me to hear her at that moment. She wanted me to see her at that moment. She has a fussy baby and she wanted to share. Period. Full stop. I plowed right through that moment because I wasn't present. I was already thinking about what to say.

By the way, I say that without wrapping up in my shame blanket. That kind of self-reflection used to send me right into a corner in my head, blaming and judging myself. Believing that I'm a bad friend and people don't like me. I don't let my brain go there as much anymore. I'm becoming okay with pointing at parts of myself I'd like to examine. So if you were thinking, "Aww, don't beat yourself up, cheer up," right now - stay with me. You're falling right into the same trap I'm discussing here. 

We all do this to each other. And I do it more than others with the extra education degrees and the tendency as a teacher. I cover it up with the thought, "I'm being helpful." But I spend most of my days without people asking for my help. Especially family and friends. I'm learning how to be myself again around them. To not have to fix anything for them. To not have to provide advice, be helpful, or put on a show. 

Even when a loved one does ask me a question, there's an important moment there. My old tendency is to get excited and send them ALL THE THINGS. Let me tell you about 10 ways you could solve that problem. But what if I said one phrase and waited. See if lands. See if it makes sense. See if they ask a follow-up question. Stay with them, where they are, with what they want.

When it comes down to it, I'm learning how to be in the present moment again. Like a little kid. Present and listening, fully immersed in the intimate dynamic of people. Letting my conversations flow instead of interrupting them with advice. 

So I'll ask you as a reader right now - can you relate?

Stop comparing your time to people around you

Are you comparing your time management skills with someone else?

Whether that is with a friend, someone you see on social media, or even comparing it to me, you're not alone! Many of you have probably heard the quote, “Comparison is the thief of joy”, and in this circumstance this statement can be very true. 

When we use that comparison to bring ourselves down, instead of lifting each other up, we get trapped. I see this all the time with my clients. They start to say to themselves:

• I should be doing better. 

• I should manage my time better. 

• I shouldn't have spent all that time watching TV. 

• I shouldn't have procrastinated. 

• I can't believe I procrastinated again. 

• I'm working with Caitlin and I'm still procrastinating. 

• Why is this happening to me? 

And they send themselves into a spiral of not being able to get out of the cycle. These comments and thoughts are only going to beat you up, and not actually change anything.

That's exactly what we want to prevent.

So sometimes it's helpful to put some of that away, and remind ourselves, “Oh yeah. I'm not going to compare myself. Especially when I'm looking at somebody's end process, compared to me just starting to work on my time management.” Remember that you could be looking at their end and you’re at the beginning. Or they're in the middle of that, and you didn't see their struggle. You’re only seeing their success.  

Social media makes this so easy to do. 

Typically, we're only going to post the good things on social media, right? That's what we do, but you don't see me on the days when I don't have as much energy. There are definitely days where I don't want to do everything on my calendar, but you don't hear how my brain works regarding this, how I shift out of it, or that I've actually created time to give myself space.

And other times I have the space built in to be like, it's okay if I take time to do this other thing. Or I want to binge watch that show. We’re all human. Or that mom of eight, who seems to have her life completely together, a Pinterest house, and it all looks like beauty and perfection. She struggles too, right? Yes! We all do.

Remember everyone is dealing with their own challenges that we can’t always see or know about. 

When I compare myself or if I start to beat myself up, it doesn't get me anywhere and it doesn't get me closer to my goal. The reason I do what I do is to lift you up, and to bring you an example that this is possible for you too! I know I did it. I know it can be possible for you. So let's bring each other up, and tell me, who are you going to stop comparing yourself to this week? Let me know. Can't wait to hear!

How to Stop Scrolling Social Media and Actually Make a Difference as a Professor

Photo by Daniil Kuželev on Unsplash

You're scrolling too much instead of actually reading or writing.

You want to grow as an anti-racist, but you're spending too much time reading superficial memes.

Too much time judging your distant relative on Facebook and their opinions.

Not getting enough sleep.

Feeling exhausted and burnt out the next day.

And then in no condition to help or serve your students.

Not actually having learned anything new you wanted to learn.

I hear you. I get you. You're not alone.

You're not weak for continuing to scroll.

To stop the scroll, you need to do four simple things:

1. Plan when you can scroll 24 hours in advance.

2. Scroll only then (whatever the time limit is).

3. Allow the urges to scroll more than that.

4. Repeat the process each day.

Simple steps, yes.

But why is it so hard to follow through?

This is the work I do with my coaching clients.

It isn't that they don't know WHAT to do.

They just have trouble executing it.

As a tenured psychology professor, I know how the brain works.

I know how to help you manage those urges.

The tips and tricks to be present with your kids.

Learning how to trust yourself around your phone.

It's all part of ending procrastination.

So you can be the professor you want to be.

The professor who knows how to be anti-racist.

The professor who knows how to be an LGBTQIA ally.

Start here with my tips for reclaiming your time:

9 Situations When Academics Should Or Shouldn't Hire A Life Coach

Photo by Ross Findon on Unsplash

Hugely successful public figures, from artists to business people, all have disclosed that they work extensively with life coaches. Experts say there are six aspects that bring high achieving people like academics to life coaching. 

In an interview given to Fortune magazine, Eric Schmidt, chairman of Alphabet, formerly CEO of Google, claimed: “everyone needs a coach.” Evidently some don’t agree with this statement. But while there may be several circumstances that bring academic people to coaching, there are also good motives why certain people should not hire the services of a life coach. Let’s begin with these.

When Not To Hire A Life Coach

1. When you are looking for someone to fix what's wrong with your life

The right life coach will ask bold questions, listen, and reflect upon what they hear. They can challenge you to ponder in new and more resourceful ways, but a life coach will not “fix” anything for you. 

Keeping balance in your life, both personally and professionally requires a huge commitment on your part. A life coach can uncover some great tools and resources for achieving success in the academic area, but this isn't enough. If you’re not ready to commit to doing the most difficult part yourself, even the best life coach can't support you.

2. When you need help with psychological issues

Coaches are not your therapists. A life coach will aim their attention primarily on looking toward your academic future, helping you to find new ways of acting towards achieving academic success, rather than focusing too much on your past actions. If you are struggling with issues such as depression, anxiety, or mental illness, you will need a therapist first.

3. When you would like a wise friend by your side

Family and friends have sometimes the best intentions, but they are not objective. Being too close to your situation can impair their vision to see the aspects where you may need improvements. However, a life coach is not your close friend. If you anticipate only collusion and affirmation for wrong attitudes regarding your academic efforts, life coaching may not be suitable for you.

But if you want to achieve faster your academic goals, these are the factors that bring high achieving academics to life coaching.

When To Hire A Coach

4. When dealing with successful events 

Change, even when positive,  is exciting and challenging, terrifying and disorientating. A decision in the academic area inevitably causes ripples in other areas of your life. New tenure, for instance, could affect your health, personal relationships, location and your spare time.

Academic growth often challenges us to self-awareness and to reconsider the professional capabilities we have overlooked. It can be difficult to renounce to familiar things, especially if you feel you “should” be incredibly enthusiastic and you aren’t, at the moment, feeling overwhelmed. Collaborating with the right life coach can guide you to discover how you can examine the career you already have and how you can encompass this great change into future academic success.

5. When dealing with difficult situations 

Whether you've lost your position, your grant submission was rejected, papers aren’t published, or you're simply feeling that you aren’t connected to your innovative self, don't just try to force your way through these situations. While most of us want to avoid difficulties at all costs, we shouldn't, as we'll only end up experiencing resentment and depression on a deeper level.

Taking the time to accept difficult changes in your life can shorten the amount of time you spend being unproductive. A qualified coach can provide a compassionate and safe place for you to overcome these challenges and set attainable academic goals.

If you are rethinking the structures of your career in your university, a professional coach can help you discover how to learn better from your struggle, to expand and move forward.

Photo by Jungwoo Hong on Unsplash

6. When absolutely nothing is happening 

Perhaps you keep trying to improve your current situation in academia and nothing seems to be working.

To achieve the results you want in the academic community, you will most likely need to change your attitudes towards attaining your goals or your fundamental beliefs regarding your advancement on the academic ladder. The start of the collaboration with a life coach is an ideal time to reconsider accumulated layers of identity.

Fear of failure is the biggest killer of plans and ideas. Lack of knowledge or skills, and missing a clear strategy or action plan, are great obstacles in the way of progress. However, the inertia caused by the fear of failure is the biggest one.

Be one of the few who are willing to knowingly risk failure when reaching for a higher pay grade. Even if you fail to take action, you gain a rich learning opportunity.

If you feel stuck in a loop, a life coach can help you break down self-limiting patterns and principles, renounce at self-defeating assumptions and re-construct the competing causes that keep you stuck.

7. When you want to make things happen 

There is always some goal you may have in your academic life that you desperately want to achieve but its enormity is crushing you. Also, the implications of making such a monumental change can affect your overall development. Often self-restricting behavior proves to be strongest just when you need the boost to take risks for the sake of enhancing your academic career.

Your life coach can offer you support to stay on track, meeting your daily goals and reduce actions that sabotage your plans regarding your career in the scholarly world. A coach can guide you through the doubt, resistance, and confusion that can appear when you are starting something exciting and new, especially when it comes to reinventing your role as a scholar.

8. When you are feeling stuck

Learning how to recognize and ditch wrong beliefs that are running in the background can get you out of weakness and clear up a lot of confusion regarding your next step.

An experienced life coach will help you to become much clearer regarding the achievements in your academic life. Experiencing career fulfillment is about living a scholar’s life that is valued and purposeful. And you can still find balance when you choose a life that is dynamic, aligned with a compelling vision.

9. When you need to figure out what is the next phase of your career

An expert life coach will lead you in the discovery process of your true academic value and guide you in becoming more self-aware as you prepare for a new phase of your scholarly career.

Therefore a life coach, by your side in this exploration, can ask powerful questions that will break your defense. When you learn to be curious about your capabilities, you will become more willing to look in the problematic aspects of your career and take on challenges that once seemed intimidating.

If there's something you’d like to change in your academic life, I can help you discover the motivation you need to get the results you truly want, finding the most effective process and right tools to understand how your brain works, and eventually access your inner power.

In the meantime, take the first step towards achieving your goals by putting an end to procrastination. Get access to my tips for reclaiming your time with the form below!

Why Do I Need a Life Coach?

Have you heard the term "life coach" and wondered what in the world that means? I hear you. I thought the same thing about four years ago when a student told me he wanted to pursue it as a career. I was very skeptical, but tried to help him as best I could. Then my sister told me about her corporate coach at work. The more she described what happened in each session, the more I wanted to know.

Wondering turned into searching online and seeking the help of my own coaches. I realized I participated in a group coaching program when I was writing my dissertation. It just wasn't called coaching back then. I pursued my own life coach certification and the rest is history for me.

What about you? What if you're still learning about it and clicked on this page? Once you've experienced high quality life coaching, it all makes sense. Of COURSE you would hire a life coach to help you get unstuck on your problems. It's my go to solution now for my own problems. Let's walk through some questions.

Have you ever set a goal for yourself, like a New Year's Resolution, and then abandoned it by February or March?

A life coach could have helped you stay on track.

First, we help set goals. Many people set vague goals for themselves. Then they need help ironing them out to be specific and measurable. A life coach can help you identify what you actually want to achieve, not only what you "think" you want to achieve. Society has plenty of New Year's Resolutions for you, but do you actually want to achieve them?

Good coaches also help with accountability throughout the process.

We point out your thought patterns that lead to feelings and actions. Through that pattern, you can see why you're getting the results you're getting. We help you change your thought patterns to be intentional instead of unintentional. We remind you why you wanted to achieve that goal in the first place. We cheer you on, especially when you're feeling down about the entire process.

Do you find yourself procrastinating?

That's one of the most common reasons people seek me out as a life coach. They have work that needs to get done or an article that needs to be written, but they keep putting it off. You might have a dream you've been meaning to pursue and everything else keeps getting in the way. I help clients work on cutting through the procrastination. We talk about changing thoughts and awesome productivity tools to help along the way.

And do you have trouble sorting through the story and the facts?

When we talk to our friends, we tell them stories and they agree with us. They say, "Oh yeah, you are SO right," all the time. That's part of why they are our friends. They agree with us.

But life coaches don't do that.

We point out the times when you're telling a story compared to when you're telling the facts. Facts are clear and provable. Facts don't have emotion tied to them. For example, you might want to say, "She's trying to make me jealous." A friend would agree with you.

As a life coach, I would ask, "How you how know for sure that she is trying to make you jealous?." You wouldn't know for sure unless the person told you in a statement. Too often, we make judgements about what other people are thinking. Life coaches help you check in with reality.

As a coach, I have distance on the situation. I'm neutral.

I'm not tied up in your situation or stories. I can see them clearly. My job is to help you see those thoughts clearly too. And you just might find yourself reframing the entire situation. We all need reality checks!

How committed are you to change?

When you're 100% committed to change, you're ready for a life coach. You might be ready to stop overeating, stop overdrinking, or stop overworking. Sometimes I talk to people about a change they are considering, but they aren't sure yet. They aren't sure if they actually want to finish a project or write that paper. Someone else or society told them they should have that goal. But they themselves aren't actually committed.

Life coaching is an investment in yourself and your future.

If you're not ready for change, you're not ready. Keep exploring why. Maybe you actually need a therapist or counselor who can help you process the past. I never push people to life coaching if they aren't 100% committed to positive change.

Want to read more reasons about why you need a life coach?

• Check out 22 more reasons you should hire a life coach to help achieve your goals.

• Or the five reasons why you shouldn't hire a life coach.

• There's also the 12 signs that you really need a life coach.

Leave your details below, and I’ll send you my tips for reclaiming your time!

My Practical Strategies for Changing Your Money Mindset

For me, money seemed to be this ongoing, unresolved issue that hung over my head. I've lived most of my life thinking, "I don't have enough money and there will never be enough money." But as I’ve worked on my thoughts, I recognize that those are limiting beliefs. These thoughts are something I can change.

I also recognize I have a lot of privilege when it comes to money. The Global Rich List helps me put it all into perspective. It's really easy to perceive that everyone around us has more money than we do.

So this summer I decided to put my academic skills to work and research the topic. I wanted to share my process, so you can see if any of it appeals to you on your own money mindset journey.

First, I started with the books.

I had already read Suze Orman and Dave Ramsey in my early twenties. If you're not familiar with their work, it's a great place to start for the nuts and bolts of budgeting. But I needed something else. I didn't want to start with simple budgeting tools, I needed money mindset work.

What's a money mindset? It's the ideas that you carry around about money.

We all have them. By saying we want to learn, we can channel that growth mindset work (see Dr. Dweck’s work) and reshape our money mindsets.

Books I Recommend -

Jen Sincero's - You Are a Badass at Making Money. I was skeptical about this one. I thought Jen Sincero's original “You are a Badass” was okay and covered a lot of ground I had already read. But this one was amazing for me. My main takeaway was to embrace fear and take on those risks that seem to be calling your name.

Overcoming Underearning by Barbara Stanny (now Huson). This book is actually a wonderful workbook full of activities to take seriously. If you do the work, it's like hiring a money coach to walk you through uncovering what's inside your brain. I did the work and I'm so glad I did. A lot of our money issues stem from childhood, so uncovering those was really insightful for me. Returning to these exercises a second time this summer helped me see them in a new light.

Get Rich, Lucky Bitch by Denise Duffield-Thomas. Another helpful example of someone who turned their financial life around. She started with fewer resources than I  have and now makes seven-plus figures in her business. I am fascinated by other people's stories and how I can learn from them. She has great advice in this book.

Reading those books, I realized I needed more positive messages about money in my life. So I turned to a few podcasts too.

Personal Finance for PhDs by Dr. Emily Roberts. I may be biased since I was a guest on her show, but Emily has so many wonderful resources for academics concerned about their finances. We’re in a different situation than most and Emily is tuned into that because she has lived the life.

Be Wealthy and Smart with Linda P. Jones. - These are short podcasts that break down complicated topics into simple tips. I love how Linda makes it all very accessible.

Other Actions I Took -

Hiring an accountant. I always had thoughts in my head like:

• "Rich people are the only people who hire accountants."

• "You have to have a lot of money to hire someone to help you with your finances."

Those thoughts are self-limiting thoughts, I recognize that now. Someone recommended Kaylee Summyt to me and I can't sing her praises enough.

She held my hand through each getting started step, in a kind and non-judgmental way.

I upgraded my software with her help (from free Wave to Quickbooks). We streamlined my business expenses and invoices, preparing them each month. She also showed me exactly how much profit I make each month, instead of it being a hazy thought in my head. I thought I knew, but when you actually see the numbers in black and white, it makes all the difference. I wasn't ready to hire Kaylee during my first year of business, but now she is a critical asset as I continue to grow.

Kaylee also recommended Mint.com, which I had heard about, but ignored all these years.

I knew I needed to budget better, but it felt impossible to save every receipt, log it, and then add it up. I love Mint because it gathers all my family accounts in one spot and tracks the categories for me. How much did I spend on fast food, for real, last month? Mint tells me. It also helps me see the bigger picture with my net worth and paying off debt. Since I love statistics and graphs, it was a natural fit. I use it both on my phone and laptop.

Participating in a 30-day no spend challenge.

Kaylee hosted this one and it made such a difference. I like to stay “it stopped the hemorrhaging of money” from my budget. I realized that when I think I have a problem, one of my first go-to solutions was to buy something to fix it. “Oh I need a place to store these clothes, I could buy a clothes rack!” During the no spend challenge, I had to stop and say, “What’s an alternative to this?” I didn’t need a new clothes rack at all. I just needed to convert something I already had. The no spend challenge also helped me see that buying in bulk can backfire for me. When I have more food, I tend to eat more. I had to come to peace with knowing I could go buy more when I needed it.

Listening to money affirmation audio on YouTube.

It sounds a little strange until you consume a lot of money mindset content, but now I see how it works. I used to have a lot of negative thoughts about money. Listening to the affirmations gives me new phrases to use.

Some of my favorite money affirmations:

• I am worthy of great success.

• I clearly see opportunities to effortlessly make money.

• I am grateful for the wealth I have in my life.

• Money always flow to me easily.

• I know there is ample prosperity for all.

I tried to get a free, mini-support going this summer too. We were going to work through some of the Undercoming Underearning exercises together. There were several people interested, but our schedules didn't line up. So I stuck to the worksheets and readings on my own schedule. Support groups can be a great way to do the work together and it can’t hurt to try to put a group together.

Taking the time to do the work around my money mindsets continues to feel transformative.

I could have kept pushing it off, ignoring it, but it was time. If you're on your own money mindset journey, I hear you! Now, when I run into a big money block, I stop. I recognize it. I talk to a coach about the issue if I can't see solutions myself. We identify why my mind wants to think the negative thoughts and ways to change the thoughts. I still have a long way to go on my money mindsets, but that is part of the journey.

(The above post references an opinion and is for information purposes only.  It is not intended to be investment or financial advice. Seek a licensed professional for investment and financial advice.)

Actually Scheduling out Habits for Better Time Management

It sounds so simple, but hear me out. When's the last time you actually scheduled time for one of the new habits you want to create?

Hi! Caitlin Faas, psychology professor and coach, here back to talk to you about the power of scheduling today. So, last week, we were talking about the idea that tracking our time can be really powerful, but what do you do after you've been tracking your time and you realize there are habits or behaviors you want to change?

Schedule new habits into your day

Well, now it's time to think about, how can I add this to my schedule? You may say, “But wait, I have a schedule. I follow a schedule. I go to work at this time and I do this at that time.” And yes, that schedule is also important. But, what about scheduling the new things you want to add into your day?

For example, think about last evening. What did you think you were going to get done in that evening compared to what you actually got done? I know I'll do this, sometimes I'll say, “Oh, things I want to do tonight include: Dinner, spending time with my husband. I'm also going to make sure I practice my guitar, maybe I can fit a yoga class in there, and I got to make sure I'm in bed before 10 o'clock.” Right? And then, I stop and think, “Wait, all of those things added up together. If I actually map it out, all of those things add up to more time than I possibly have in the evening.”

I need to make decisions moving forward about, “Okay, maybe yoga can happen here and here on this day, but I'm also going to fit in practicing guitar. If I do that for 30 minutes every night at this time, it's on my schedule and I know that it exists.”

Be realistic about how long activities take you

When we go to schedule, knowing how much time something actually takes to do is also part of that strategy. I’ll ask you today, what can you work on scheduling in your day and what's working? What's not working? What's taking more time than you thought it actually took or something that may take less time?

Sometimes we think an activity will take us longer. We say we have something to do on our list and it seems so dreadful. “It's going to take me three hours to be able to sort through all the mail that's been piling up.” But then, when we actually sit down to do it, “Ah! This only took an hour. I don't know why I was building it up so much in my head.”

Stop to think about that today and I look forward to hearing from you what you're dealing with in your schedule. 

How to Get Started on Improving Your Habits

We all have habits we want to improve.

Often our habits overlap too. We may have eating habits, exercise habits, cleaning and organizing habits that we want to start. Gretchen Rubin calls this list of common habits the "essential seven" because so many people want to work on them.

But how do we get started on changing our behavior?

That's the topic of this week's video. Check it out below.

I'm excited to talk to you today about how to get started to improve your habits and this is a really common technique, but something that gets overlooked too often and something I even forget to do myself sometimes.

Monitor what you’re doing now

When you want to improve a habit you want to change your behavior, one of the first things we want to know is what are you currently doing? And that means, are you tracking or monitoring your current behavior? I see this a lot with clients when they say, “I want to take control of my time” or “I want to change my schedule.” And I say, “Well, what does today look like?” “What did yesterday look like?” “What are you doing tomorrow?” And all of those moments seemed to be lost. They're not sure and maybe they can get a little bit of it, but without tracking, writing it down or putting it in their phone, they struggle to see where the time has really gone. It's such a powerful step to see all this in person when you can see it on paper, see it on your phone, in a document.

Change your behavior based on what you see

Some ways that this – this has really helped me two ways specifically even here in 2017, one would be that I knew I wanted to know where my extra money was going, that extra income of things I could spend whatever I want on.

But I resisted apps on my phone about it like, “I'm not gonna use that app. I'm just not feeling it out.” But my planner, my paper planner this year actually has a spot to track that extra money. And so, I was just able to write down every day here's what I spent and I get into that routine. Sure enough, all of that financial advice they say about lattes add up, yeah, they really do. And so, I was able to see not only do they add up, I can see exactly where they add up for me specifically, so things like that. That's one way I use the power of tracking in the past couple of months.

Watch good habits snowball

The other way would be from trying to brush my dog's teeth. I have two dogs, Calvin and Rosie, and the vet of course recommends brushing their teeth every day and I thought I probably only brush their teeth maybe once a month when I think about it, which is pretty bad I suppose. But I hadn't thought about this and I said, “Okay. I'm going to track when I brush their teeth.” And I have something on the side of my fridge where I can use a little dry erase marker. And I said, “Okay, I'm going to track.”

And I got excited to get the momentum going of wanting to check off all seven days of the week and then it snowballed of course, right? Because I want all seven days, I want the gold star so to speak – gold star junkie if we haven't met – literally, I give them out to my students – so, I wanted to check it off and then I could start to see the benefits. After a couple of weeks of brushing my dog's teeth every day, I could see that this really is helpful to them and I could make it part of my routine. But it was only through tracking and monitoring that I was able to enact those two behaviors.

So I want to ask you today, what is something that you want to work on in your life – a habit and how can you track it?

Is it on paper? Is it on your phone? Is it a recommitment to tracking that you've tried to track before but haven't been able to do it? What might it be?

I look forward to hearing from you about what you're tracking or monitoring and this new thing that you want to change.

Share your thoughts in the comments!

Ways to be Kinder to Yourself

Do you even remember the last negative thing you said to yourself today?

I bet it happened within the last couple of hours. You might have not even noticed. We seem to have an easier time saying negative things to ourselves than anyone else in our lives. The list might include:

• I'm no good at this, I don't even know why I try.

• I hate myself for not following through on that deadline.

• I suck.

• I'm not ________ enough. (pretty, smart, charming, thin, healthy...)

• I'm never going to be able to accomplish this goal.

That's our inner critic saying a lot of negative self-talk.

Some days are our inner critic is louder than others. And recognizing it is crucial for moving forward. Clinicians and counselors are amazing at helping us work on changing our negative self-talk through cognitive behavioral therapy. And of course, the idea of positive thinking is everywhere. Almost a little too much sometimes - Melody Wilding writes about why positive thinking doesn't work and what actually does work.

So how can we also be kind to ourselves?

If I could talk to my 20-year-old self, I'd say be kinder to yourself. And I'm pretty sure my future 40-year-old self would tell me to do the same thing. We all know yelling doesn't work. The inner critic isn't helping us either. Kindness allows us the chance to breathe and relax. Kindness helps us channel a better space to get things done. Kindness helps us see new perspectives and get creative.

First, ask yourself what you would tell your best friend.

Would you tell your best friend she should just give up or yell at her to get more things done? No? So why do you tell yourself those things? It's a classic idea, but an important reminder. Only say the things to yourself that you would say to a friend or loved one. We all know kindness goes a long way when we're making and building friendships. Use the same techniques on yourself. You know the phrases and statements you like to hear. Make a list and put it where you can see it.

Second, give yourself space to make mistakes and stumble.

When we're on the productivity bandwagon and all energized about getting stuff done, we can get a little carried away and try to cram too much into too little space. I do it myself sometimes. I'll say, "That's the day I'm going to get X, Y, and Z done - definitely!" And then the day rolls around and I don't get it done. Because some days are low energy and some days I need time to rest and recharge.

Building these moments and days into my calendar is just as important as the items on my to-do list. Otherwise, I'll spend the rest of the week "beating myself up" for not getting things done. Instead, I remember to be kind to myself. "Wow, I've really had a lot going on, no wonder I needed more rest on Sunday." It often takes more time and space than we imagine in our heads when we first plan it.

Third, say no to something on your list.

Sometimes being kinder means recognizing that you aren't superhuman. We aren't little energizer bunnies all the time. And sometimes you need more rest and time to recharge than other times of the year. I know one of my statements right now is, "It's still winter, a time of hibernation and staying well rested so I don't get sick. Be kind to yourself." And that means taking some things off my plate that I might be able to accomplish at other times of the year. February is not my month for tackling big, new projects. I know this about myself.

So what's on your list that you can step back from? Say no or take a break from? Can any of it start today? Tomorrow? Next week?

So what resonates with you? What are other ways to be kind to yourself?

Share below in the comments so we can all learn from each other!

5 Reasons to Get Excited About Input Cleanses

What in the world is an input cleanse?

I thought the same thing when I heard it for the first time on The Good Life Project podcast. Don't worry, it doesn't have anything to do with juices or soup detox programs. You're actually already familiar with the idea - it's all about unplugging and stopping the consumption of "inputs."

We have so many inputs coming at us from dozens of angles ALL the time now.

How often do you check your phone? Your email? The news headlines? Celebrity gossip? Social media? Sometimes I'm not even watching the media and I get texts from family members about who died or the latest outfit a celebrity wore. Emails that need to be attended to right now. Checking how many people commented on my post. Sometimes it's even the music we're listening to or the advertisements we think we aren't paying attention to in the background. All of it just keeps coming, with no end in sight.

Awareness about all of these inputs is the first step to making progress.

I love all the research that is coming out about our smartphones being a "slot machine in our pocket" because of the variable rewards we get when we pay attention to them. Dr. Cal Newport tells us to give up social media completely for a lot of good reasons. Personally, I prefer keeping a healthy balance and living within moderation (although there were those 18 months I lived without a smartphone).

I bet you have a lot of excuses about why you can't unplug on a regular basis.

I hear these excuses all the time (and I know I've said them myself at some point):

• I need to be available for emergencies.

• I might miss something.

• I get bored standing in line or waiting for things.

• Everyone else is doing it, is it really a big deal?

• I don't think I have it in me to actually do it.

First, most smartphones now have advanced settings where you can let certain contacts disturb you, no matter what, even if your phone is on silent. That can absolutely be helpful for emergencies of all kinds.

Our smartphones have also created a "fear of missing out (FOMO)" feeling. But trust me, the more you unplug, the more you start to realize you aren't missing anything. You'll catch up.

If you get bored standing in lines, try to use the moment to think mindfully and take deep breaths to help you relax and stay present.

Sure, everyone else is plugged in all the time and consumed by all the inputs, but you're committed to self-improvement and becoming the best version of yourself, isn't that why you're reading this?

And I absolutely know you have the power to do this - embrace your growth mindset and accept the challenge. You'll hit stumbling blocks, we all do, but small, incremental changes can add up quickly.

Now that we've addressed the excuses, let's talk about 5 reasons to get excited for your next input cleanse:

1. You will actually get things done on your to-do list. Sounds obvious, but seriously. Aren't we all trying to reclaim our time for a purpose? The amount of time you're paying attention to inputs right now is more than you think. You're reading this blog post, it's an input! Some of you will find you need to start with an hour and build from there (I go one full day once a month - at least). Once you start to embrace the time, you'll really be able to delve in and get things done.

2. True conversations and relationship building emerges. Doesn't it drive you crazy when someone is distracted while you're trying to talk to them? An input cleanse helps prevent those moments. You'll actually talk and listen with the other person. Deeper conversations and moments can happen.

3. You will probably buy less "stuff." I know I've really found that when I stop the advertisements and constant promotions in my email, I buy less stuff (Unroll.me is a free game changer here). That's why we get all of these ads and promos - so we buy more stuff. Taking an input cleanse always helps prevent the, "But I NEED that feeling," I get about products sometimes. Out of sight, out of mind.

4. You may even feel better emotionally. We've all had that "meh" feeling after scrolling through the highlight reels of everyone else's lives on Facebook or Instagram. There's building evidence social media is influencing our mental health and research studies about the topic have exploded in recent years. Letting ourselves get upset about so-and-so's uninformed commentary isn't really helping our day to day lives. So pay attention to your emotional health after an input cleanse day or weekend.

5. Others will end up joining you. At first, most people are skeptical. But then they'll see how you'll benefitting and want to try it out themselves. And that leads us back to more interactions, more real time with each other, and a positive spiral of momentum for all of us. Who doesn't want that?

Unplugging is a great way to minimize distractions so that you can get the work done. Looking for more ways to put an end to procrastination? Get access to my tips for reclaiming your time with the form below!

Why You Should Stop the Social Comparison

"Everyone else has their act together, why don't I?"

I hear statements like that one from students and clients all the time. Similar statements include:

• Oh, that person? They're perfect. They wouldn't understand.

• Everyone else has their life figured out, but I don't.

• I wish I could be happy as everyone else I know.

• They must have it all together.

• I wish I could be more like that person.

These are dangerous statements to make, yet we say them all the time.

These types of statements bring us down and push us away from each other. Instead of feeling close and connected, we feel defeated and lonely. We feel like no one else could ever understand what we're going through. That we're the only one dealing with difficult emotions or sad and negative times.

It's incredibly easy to find reasons to say these statements. We scroll through perfect pictures on Instagram (are we following each other yet?). Celebrities always seem to be in our faces on advertisements and in movies. Everyone posts happy and memorable times on Facebook. Parents and loved ones ask us why we can't be more like someone else's son or daughter that they know. Our lives are constantly being compared to others.

When someone makes a social comparison in front of me, I say - "You're not alone."

It sounds so simple, but seriously. You're not alone. You feel like you should have your life together like that person? That person probably doesn't think they have their life together. They also struggle with things. They too feel sad, afraid, confused, and alone at times. Maybe they aren't willing to share the nitty gritty details with you, but I guarantee they go through the same human struggles we all go through. 

One of my favorite ways to remind myself of this is to actually talk to other people about my struggles. That takes feeling safe and comfortable enough with other people, but I can quickly do that if I break down the 'fake barriers' that keep us all from being real and open with each other. I start conversations. I reach out to people online. I respond when they reach out to me. I also like to read biographies and autobiographies of people that I admire most because it reminds me to stop putting them on a pedestal. Seven billion people on this planet - I guarantee you are not alone.

So how do you keep yourself from the constant social comparison that surrounds us?

Tell me below in the comments so we can all learn from each other!

How to Deal with all the Questions from Relatives

It's that time of year when most of us see extended family and relatives we haven't seen in awhile. And they have a lot of questions for us. Lots of them.

Have you heard any of these "life" questions before?

• When are you going to be finished with school?

• Are you dating anyone? Or when are you getting married?

• When are you going to get a job?

• When are you going to move out on your own?

• Why do you have to work on a holiday weekend? Can't you call off?

• Why can't you be more like your brother/sister/cousin?

These are the types of questions that evoke a lot of emotions.

Some of us want to run away screaming. Some of us want to say something really witty or clever but bite our tongues and smile instead. Sometimes we just want to burst into tears at the very idea of the question. Often we want to call our friends and complain about how people just don't understand us. I get it, I've been there. I work with young adults every day who hear these questions on a regular basis.

Instead of reacting with strong emotions, there are healthy ways to deal with relatives.

First, when you get one of these stress-inducing questions, take a deep breath. Breathing is a powerful tool for helping us to remain calm. Second, recognize the relative is probably well-intentioned. They probably have no idea how much they are stressing you out. They ask because they care, even if it doesn't feel like it in the moment.

On a related note, people who are older than young adults have a really hard time remembering what it was like to be 20, 25, and 30 years old. They think they remember. But often the stressful and bad memories have faded while good memories remain. When I tell groups of people that college students are stressed out, a lot of adults react with, "What do THEY have to be stressed out about?!" A lot, actually. It can be really difficult being 18-25 years old, that's why we call it the "emerging adulthood" stage of life.

"When I was your age..." is the classic line that follows up most of those questions.

Which makes you want to do the eye roll. But wait - what if we used this statement as an opportunity? Maybe we've heard the story before about their life, but have you asked about the details? Or asked your own follow-up question about why they chose that path for their lives? Learning from our older generations can be really powerful, even it takes a little bit to get past the generic questions. These intergenerational moments can definitely have a positive spin if we capitalize on the opportunity.

Try some of these statements with your relatives when they ask a life question:

• I think about that question a lot.

• I'm not quite sure right now.

• I'm working on it a little bit every day.

• (If you feel comfortable enough with the person) - I actually feel really stressed when people ask me that question. But I know you ask because you care.

• I've been thinking about __insert temporary plan here__ lately, but it might change.

And then try to bridge the moment by asking meaningful questions.

Often relatives ask those kinds of "big life questions" because they don't know what else to ask you. Most of us are pretty horrible at small talk around the holidays. That's why I love all of the great examples out there about going beyond small talk:

• "How to Turn Small Talk into Smart Conversation" by TED Ideas. My favorite question is, "Who do you think is the luckiest person in this room?"

• Ask open-ended questions like "how" and "why" instead of questions that can elicit a one-word response (8 Ways to Make Meaningful Small Talk).

• Fun Conversation Starters - Lighthearted questions for all members of the family. My favorite is, "If you could eat only one food on this table for an entire year, which one would it be?"

So what tips and tricks do you have for young adults dealing with all these life questions from relatives? Share below in the comments! 

How to Find People Who Can Scaffold You

Scaffolding isn't just a term for buildings or small children.

As I teach my students about child development and all of the vocabulary words, I realize how important it is to share these words in our everyday language. Scaffolding is one of those terms. We usually compare it to roof shingles or buildings, the layering or stacking of pieces to help build the entire project. Children need scaffolding to help them navigate the world. Vygotsky developed our understanding of scaffolding and the zone of proximal development. As we learn new things, like tying our shoes or riding a bike, we are scaffolded by adults. Parents and teachers don't just say, "Ride your bike!" They show us how. They give us training wheels and stand nearby in the beginning. The examples of scaffolding in our childhood years are endless.

But we all need scaffolding and help throughout our lifespan.

Right now I am in a place where I am learning from so many people around me in this online world of sharing knowledge. Their insights and inspiration keep me motivated and continue my development as a professional. It is through the scaffolding process that I grow. When I want to learn more about any topic, I usually try to find someone who just learned about it themselves.

Often I find myself encouraging my students to reach out to other people in their classes for advice. Or I recommend contacting an alum who is currently working in the very same job the student wants to work at some day. I can give advice and provide some scaffolding, but who better to help scaffold than someone living the future they want?

There are hundreds of people out there, just like you.

Almost every day I tell someone, "You are not alone." This phrase connects us to each other and reminds us that somewhere - someone else is going through the same struggles, triumphs, and experiences. We just have to find them. Sure, finding friends is one thing. Relying on our family is also helpful. But finding people outside of our immediate zone? That seems tricky and almost scary. What if you reach out to someone and they dismiss you? What if you never hear back? What if they say no?

The benefits of reaching out almost always outweigh the negatives.

Here's where I say, "It couldn't hurt to try." Want to ask that professional about their job? What's the worst that could happen? They could say no? Is that really that bad? People usually want to help you. Out of the hundreds of people I have contacted over the years, I don't think anyone has ever told me a flat out "no" to a question. Sure, sometimes they don't reply. Probably because they are really busy or have other things going on. But people usually want to share their own experiences and help others just like them. So go into it with a positive attitude and know that it is worth a shot. Marie Forleo has some great advice about finding a mentor and what types of questions to ask.

I recommend starting with a simple question.

Often when I help students or clients reach out to people, they want to ask a dozen questions at once. But trust me, a really long email with a dozen questions is often overwhelming to the receiver. Start with a simple question. Do your homework online first - don't ask ,"Where did you go to college?" if it is right there on their easy to find Linkedin Profile. But maybe ask, "What helped with your decision to attend the University of Such and Such?" Provide an introduction about yourself and why you might be asking the one, simple question. That helps provide some context for the person, especially if you do not know them at all. That will get the conversation started and it can blossom from there.

Find people at a variety of stages around you.

Think about who is two steps ahead of you and who is four steps ahead of you. Often it is easy to find people who are WAY ahead of us, admire them from afar, and secretly wonder how they do it. Those people are usually famous and have thousands of people surrounding them. That's great inspiration, but we're talking about scaffolding here. Someone who can help you with your next steps, within your own zone of proximal development. So you want to work for a particular organization? Instead of reaching out to the CEO, why not find an employee who just started working there? And someone who has been there for a few years? 

Are you a university student? It is great to talk to your college friends and parents about your next steps. But what about someone who just graduated from your university? What is their life like? What do they wish they had known when they were at your level? Where do they want to be in five years?

The other benefit to scaffolding is being able to scaffold others.

Finding people ahead of you helps scaffold your development. But I also love to connect with people who are in a zone I just exited. For example, I've been blogging for several months now. Maybe there's another professor out there who needs some scaffolding on how to make their own blog. I'm just a few steps ahead of them. And helping them reminds me how far I have come in my own progress. Helping others is a great source of satisfaction. It helps us humans feel connected!

So who can be "in your tribe" of scaffolders?

Who do you want to reach out to? Can they become part of your crew or "tribe?" You can learn from each other and keep building each other up - scaffolding along the way of development. I would love to hear about your own experiences with scaffolding, so post below in the comments!

How You Can Benefit from Adjusting Your Sleep Habits

Sleep seems like an obvious piece of our lives, yet so many of us abuse it.

I often get asked questions like, "How are you so productive?" or "Where do you find the time to get everything done?" While there are many answers, the main answer is sleep. I get enough sleep every night and I feel well-rested most of the time. People usually dismiss me quickly as if that is too obvious. I think sometimes they would rather hear me say I drink some magical potion instead of talking about sleep.

I consider myself "reformed" on my sleep behaviors.

I like talking about the power of sleep so much because I have been on both sides of the sleep continuum. I used to say things like, "I can sleep when I die," or "Maybe I don't need as much sleep as everyone else." I would stay up around the clock during college, trying to get more done and to be more successful. But it didn't really work for me. I started to forget large chunks of memories and I wasn't retaining new information. I was gaining weight and feeling stressed out all the time. I didn't know why I felt so tired all the time...which sounds like an obvious statement, but we so undervalue sleep in our society, we actually wonder why we're exhausted when we haven't slept well for months or even years. I changed my behaviors in my mid-twenties and really embraced my sleep "revolution" after graduate school.

Side note - I have never had a medical condition related to sleep. If you struggle with narcolepsy or chronic insomnia, please talk to your doctor. I am not providing medical advice here, just my own examples of what has worked, backed up by research in the field.

Rules I follow about sleep:

• My bed time is 10pm and I wake up at 6am. Every day. Exceptions are rare.

• I start to get ready to fall asleep at 9pm. This includes regular routines such as brushing my teeth, not looking at screens (phones or computers), and generally relaxing.

• Limited caffeine after 12pm. A cup of coffee at 4pm would probably keep me up all night at this point. I stick to coffee and caffeine in the morning.

It took me several months to establish these rules for myself.

Getting one night of really good sleep is not revolutionary. But 300 nights in a row? That changed my life. I do not need my alarm clock in the morning - my body just wakes up at 6am. My 20-year-old self would have been completely baffled that this was possible for me. Persistence and dedication to my rules have really paid off for me. I have a lot more energy, which results in having the energy to exercise, which helped me lose weight and make better food decisions...the benefits all stack on top of each other. For me, I know it started with changing my sleep habits.

Small adjustments are the key to successful sleep habits.

If you are someone who is currently struggling with sleep, trying to follow my rules isn't going to work for you. Those rules took me time. You have your own pattern that you need to find. So I recommend small adjustments at first.

Examples of small adjustments:

• Track your sleep behaviors. Maybe you currently say, "I try to go bed by 12am." But some nights that drifts into 2am and other nights it is 11pm. Do you really know when you're going to sleep? Track it. Fitbits or a simple log next to your bed are helpful for tracking.

• Add an extra half hour to your regular sleep time. Sometimes I hear my students try to make really big goals like, "I usually go to bed at 2am, but I'm going to go to bed at 11pm now!" Whoa, whoa, whoa. That's going to be really hard to stick to on a regular basis. But what if you say, "I'm going to go to bed at 1:30am for three days in a row." Start small.

• Download an app that decreases the blue light coming from your screens. I like F.lux, but there are many options out there. Use it for a few weeks to see if it helps.

• Limit your screen time before bedtime. Keeping your cell phone under your pillow should probably be the first thing to go. Set it aside. I wrote about not having a smartphone at all in a different blog post - it helps my sleep habits.

These are just some small examples. I can't emphasize how important sleep is to me enough. I shout it from the rooftops almost any chance I get! If you want to learn more about the science and research behind sleep, I highly recommend this post by James Clear. The National Sleep Foundation also has several articles about sleep. Understanding how sleep works, making small adjustments, and building on those good habits have been my secret to successful sleep.

What about you? Are you currently struggling with sleep? Or have you found some helpful tips? Share them below in the comments!

The Surprising Benefits of Going on a Silent Retreat

You've probably heard of silent retreats, right? They are quiet places where you stay silent the entire time. I just got back from my first one that lasted a weekend.

It was everything you would expect - serene, peaceful, and calm.

And that's why I went. I wanted to rest and recharge myself before a new semester. I was also curious if I could unplug and rest for that long. I am a "go, go, go" kind of person with endless to-do lists and priorities, even on the weekends. So this was a perfect chance to be at peace and work on my own meditation and spirituality practice.

There were several surprising benefits of going on the retreat too.

The most surprising part was meal time and the lack of "small talk." At my retreat, there were 14 of us total. Typically at a social gathering, you start to introduce yourself and find out reasons why the other people are there. Sometimes you meet someone really interesting, but usually it is a lot of exhausting "small talk." Not at silent retreat. We ate our meals in silence and I had to just speculate and wonder what the background was of all the other attendees. That was surprisingly refreshing. I didn't have to introduce myself over and over again. I didn't have to be slightly irritated with someone's comment about what I do. And there was no one to get distracted with their phone instead of talking to me. We just ate. I really liked it.

The ability to appreciate that the day was my own and only my own.

It's amazing how you don't realize what makes up the majority of your day. People email me, wanting replies. My dogs want to be fed and want attention. Students have questions. A friend needs an RSVP. I need to be home to receive a package. All of those things are little things, but they add up quickly. And so spending a weekend where no one and nothing needed me? It was such a relief. And I lead a pretty relaxing life! I can only imagine how this could help busy parents.

A lot of deeper thoughts need true quality time.

I'll liken this to completing a puzzle or untangling a ball of yarn. Fifteen minutes here or there just isn't going to cut it. I needed time to really think about what I want to accomplish this semester. It reminds me of how Michael Hyatt and Daniel Harkavy recommend that you dedicate an entire day to creating your life plan in their book, "Living Forward." You need time for ideas to bounce around and thoughts to emerge. Give yourself the time to do it instead of being distracted all of the time.

You can always surprise yourself.

I'll admit, I was unsure if I could "not talk" for an entire weekend. I'm such a talker! But I was never going to find out if I could do it - unless I tried. So I jumped right in and tried it. I made it. And it was just another reminder that I should "never say never." When people tell me, "I could never do that," I ask, "How do you know?" Try it out - see what happens. THEN report back!

And finally, the people who need this the most are probably the most resistant to go.

Of course I had time to think about who in my life would like to go on silent retreat and who wouldn't. You really have to like yourself enough to be alone with your thoughts. And if those thoughts scare you or you like to live a life of distraction, a silent retreat would be really difficult. The people in my life who don't even realize they are distracted 99% of the time would be the ones I would most recommend it to.

So would you go on a silent retreat? What do you think you would like about it?

The Danger of "I'll Be Happy When..."

Almost all of us have said at some point, "I'll be happy when..."

• I make more money.

• I start working full-time.

• I find a romantic partner.

• I get out of debt.

• I figure out what I'm doing with my life.

Sound familiar? Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky wrote an entire book about the topic titled, "The Myths of Happiness." Most of the book is geared at adults who are over 30, but I think the idea especially applies to young adults. So many of my students say, "I'll be happy when I finish school and graduate."

But really, waiting for the 'when' means you aren't paying attention to right now.

Why can't you be happy right now, in this moment? Step back and think about what you are grateful for, even if there is a lot to look forward to. What is pleasant in your life? Do you get to spend time with friends? Or have the ability to stay up late, get up early for work, and still be able to do your job in the morning? Do you have people you love? What about a favorite song that just came out? These are the little moments that make up right now.

Can you look back on a moment in your life and say, "I should have enjoyed those moments more"?

That's the same idea here. If you can think about a moment in your past wistfully - some day this moment too will be a memory like that. Memory fades a lot of the tension, anxiety, and drama that comes with the day to day. That's why a lot of older adults look back fondly on being a young adult and say things like, 'Enjoy it while it lasts!" Forgetting about feeling like you have no money and are stressed out all the time, just 'waiting for your life to begin.'

As you reflect, there will always be more "whens" in your future.

When I think about the "whens" I imagined when I was twenty years old, I'm pretty sure I have accomplished most of them. I'm literally living my "happily ever after." But it would be really easy for me to get caught in new "whens." I'll be happy when I pay this off, when I reach this career milestone, when the nieces and nephews are all grown up. But I stop and remind myself about the "myths of happiness." Instead, I remember to be mindful and practice gratitude. The Greater Good Science Center has a long list of ways to cultivate happiness in healthy, productive ways. I encourage you to check it out.

And tell us below in the comments - what "when" statement resonates with you?

You're Not Average - How to Stop Trying So Hard to Be Average

Have you ever looked up an average and compared yourself to it?

We all have. As a researcher, I can spout off a lot of average statistics from memory. But I just finished a new book titled, "The End of Average: How We Succeed in a World That Values Sameness," by Todd Rose. In it he argues that we have become a society of averagarians. We're constantly comparing ourselves and others to the 'average.' We compare average salaries, average age of marriage, averages on standardized tests, average levels of happiness - the list goes on and on.

You are not average and no one else is either.

Dr. Rose spells out both the history and mathematical equations behind averages. It is actually very, very rare to fit the average. That doesn't seem to make sense, does it? Averages are supposed to represent everyone. But really, they represent no one. Take the average body, for example. Maybe your height is the average for your age, but your weight is far from it. Many dimensions make up the 'average body' that are impossible to be average on every aspect.

And it isn't just about being a special snowflake.

At first this might sound like the now classic way we've been teaching children that they are all unique and everyone is a special snowflake!  But it's not. While we have been saying that for decades now, we haven't actually been living it. We love averages and comparing students based on rank order and sameness. As a society, we look at grade point averages to get into college and degrees completed to be hired. But instead of pretending to value uniqueness, Dr. Rose argues we need to truly embrace it and stop comparing ourselves to a non-existent average.

There are three principles to help you focus on your individuality.

First, recognize that you have a lot of talent that doesn't fit into little boxes (the "jaggedness principle"). Maybe you weren't an A student in school and that has led to you to think you're 'below average.' But being an A student wasn't all there was to school. What did you enjoy? What were you good at? Maybe you rocked one class and excelled in that. There were sports and friends and clubs too. Make a list of your talents - anything and everything.

Second, stop calling yourself titles that don't really exist (the "context principle"). We love to go around saying things like, "I'm an introvert." And that leads us to excluding ourselves from opportunities where we could strive. Are you truly always acting introverted in every situation? Probably not. A lot of what we do is context dependent. So it depends on the situation you are in. My students are great at this. They act one way in the classroom and if I see them walking across, talking to friends, they appear to be acting in a completely different way.  Of course! We all are different depending on the context. Don't let it limit you.

Third, stop believing in one path (the "pathways principle").  Too often I hear people say, "And so I'll go to college, graduate, get a good paying job, get married, buy a house..." The list goes on to follow some perfectly packaged path. But does anyone truly follow an average pathway? Nope. Todd Rose himself was a high school dropout who ended up with a Ph.D. from Harvard. That's definitely unique. You too have a unique story. Own it.

Using these principles will help you break free from trying to fit an average.

I know I need to work on remembering these principles after reading the book. I highly recommend the book or his TEDx Talk (if you have 20 minutes to spare, but not hours). Based on what I have said so far, what do you think? How can you use these principles in your own life? Share it in the comments or connect with me. Let's hear your story!

Why You're More Productive Than You Think (And Just Need Clarity)

So you think you have a problem with productivity.

Almost everyone struggles with productivity.  We want to be superhuman and accomplish all the things all the time! But that's really difficult. When you do finally find the time to work on something important to you, you feel like you're not using your time wisely. And that makes you look into productivity tips and hacks around the web, including finding this blog post. And you get into a cycle of thinking you have a productivity problem.

Yet there are tasks you complete everyday.

Make a list of the tasks you do everyday. What are they? How often do they occur?  Tasks that you actually complete tend to be both urgent and important. I will pay this bill today (important) because it is due by midnight (urgent). I will drive my sister to practice right now (urgent) because she relies on me for a ride (important). I bet you will find dozens of examples of tasks you regularly complete because they are both urgent and important. (Note - If you're struggling to get out of bed or complete anything on a daily basis, please seek out medical care.)

This concept of urgent and important is part of a larger matrix known as the Eisenhower Box, crafted after President Eisenhower's ideas on productivity and time management.  A great visualization and spreadsheet example lives over on James Clear's website.

But the tasks that gnaw at you are the ones that keep getting pushed aside.

These tasks are important to you, but not really urgent. I think I should exercise (no urgency, but important for your health).  My friends mean the world to me (important), so I'd like to call them more often (no urgency). I really want to make a difference in this world (important), but I don't know how to make it pay my bills (not urgent to figure it out).  We all have hopes and dreams of goals we would like to accomplish, from big to small.

So tasks that aren't important or urgent keep getting in your way.

Instead of prioritizing our time for the bigger goals, we get lost in the tasks that are neither important or urgent.  Things like scrolling through all of our Snapchat updates (or other social media).  Binge watching the latest television show (is that really on your bucket list?).  Mostly tasks and things that could actually be deleted or dropped from our lives. If we truly valued them, we would consider them as important as treat them accordingly. Instead, they should just be eliminated from our priorities and goals.

There are tricks for making yourself do the things that are important to you.

Force yourself to make them urgent. Get into the mentality of "I must do it today." Each day adds up to your overall goal. How can each goal be broken down into something that must occur regularly?  "I want to exercise" could turn into "It is important for me to exercise and I must complete it every other day in order to see results." Be specific about your goals and include an accountability partner if it helps you.  A coach can help you target these steps as well.  Anything that can make your goal urgent will help it move into the box of things that actually get done.

Next time you think you have a productivity problem, think of your goals where they fit in the Eisenhower Box.

If your goals need realigned in the Eisenhower Box, do it! 

Now it's time to share. What tricks do you use to make tasks both urgent and important? Please comment below.

Want to get on track and stop procrastinating? Get access to my tips for reclaiming your time with the form below.

Have you ever tried mindful meditation?

Have you ever tried mindfulness meditation? I mean, really tried it? The scientific evidence is all over the news about the benefits of meditation. Meditation can help you physically, cognitively, socially, and emotionally. Two of the biggest benefits are increased concentration and a healthier immune system.

And it doesn't have to involve sitting in a funny pose or a long amount of time. Just 10-15 minutes a day can be beneficial. Want to hear a reason to start? Andy Puddicombe breaks in down in one of my all time favorite TED talks.

I have been dabbling in meditation myself for about 5 years now and this summer I have committed again to 15 minutes a day. I enjoy guided meditations and have found YouTube to be helpful for finding good ones. 

Here is one that has been helping me jump start a positive beginning to my day:

One of my favorite apps that makes meditation feel like a daily 'game' is Headspace. It costs money per month, but the check in features and progress updates really kept me motivated to stick with it when I used it on my smartphone. It was created by Andy Puddicombe, the speaker I mentioned above.

So are you ready to try it? Don't save up for the perfect time to do it - just try it. Right now if you're in a quiet space. Or first thing in the morning. Anywhere that is just comfortable enough, but not too comfortable so that you fall asleep. Try it out and report back here to tell us how you felt and how you are going to stick with it!