Don’t Let Social Media Anxiety Hold You Back with Jennifer van Alstyne

Photo by Prateek Katyal on Unsplash

Are you a social media lurker? Most people on social media are lurkers, though it doesn’t always feel like that because the people we see in our home feeds aren’t. The people we see most often tend to be sharing not just once in a while, but often.

There are many reasons people, especially professors, stay more private on social media.

Here are some I’ve come across:

• I don’t think people care about what I have to say.

• What will my students think if they follow me?

• If I say the wrong thing, will I get reported?

• I just like to scroll, but I don’t really engage.

• I don’t know what to say.

• I’m nervous about my supervisor seeing what I post.

• Will my post go viral and get me in trouble?

• What if I don’t want to post about my work?

• I have a general anxiety/fear over social media.

Whether you’re a social media lurker or anxious about putting yourself out there, I hope my story helps you. I’m Jennifer van Alstyne, a communications strategist for academics, researchers, and organizations. I help people share their work in online spaces, like social media.

Fear kept me away from social media

While I’m active on social media now, it might surprise you to learn I was so scared of social media, I deleted all my accounts. When I returned, years later, I kept my accounts very private: just for family and personal friends.

There are a few ways people use to control their privacy

• Staying off social media altogether

• Keeping your accounts private

• Using an anonymous account

• Having a traditional account, but not posting yourself except for the occasional share/retweet

• Use customized Privacy Settings in each social media platform

I’ve used all of these at one point or another.

While I did have a fear of being judged on social media, and kind of general anxiety about friends who had huge followings and tons of likes, that isn’t why I left social media.

I deleted my social media accounts after leaving a physically abusive relationship when I was 18. The idea of being seen by the person I feared most felt paralyzing. At the time, I was scared to sleep. I jumped every time the phone rang. Eventually, I moved on campus where I felt safer.

As I began to heal, I started to recognize how small I’d let my world get. I missed the friendships and larger network I’d stopped communicating with. Staying off social media altogether was no longer right for me. So I started a new Facebook account and sent out friend requests one at a time. Baby steps.

I kept being surprised when people connected. I looked deeper into my past, reaching out to childhood friends. Having so many people connect in a short timeframe made me feel good about myself because they were real people I knew. I started connecting with my professors, visiting writers, or people I met at events. When I presented at my 1st conference in undergrad, I connected with my fellow panelists.

Photo by Georgia de Lotz on Unsplash

Social media networking

Later I would learn what that was called: I was networking on social media, one person at a time. Do you groan when you hear the word networking?

As Malisa Kurtz, PhD says on the Beyond the Professoriate blog, “I didn’t realize at the time that networking is just relationship-building—getting to know people I liked, following up with them, and also supporting them when I could.” Dr. Kurtz said networking is about

• Relationship-building

• Getting to know people

• Following-up with them

• Supporting them when possible

And while she wasn’t talking about using social media for networking specifically, these things are all possible there.

Social media is great for relationship-building because it allows you and another person to connect. You can get in touch with that person, and engage with what they share. It’s a great way to get to know them in a more passive way than sometimes ‘networking’ feels.

Following-up may look like a comment or reply. Maybe, it’s a direct message. Social media allows us to support people when it’s possible because we’re more likely to see when we can help. That might look like a Like, or “Congratulations!” It can also be

• Asking for advice

• Help to connect them with someone you know

• Sharing a resource

• Friendship

Networking on social media is really about finding an audience who cares. That’s why moving past your social media anxiety is so important.

Maybe your social media anxiety is more about work. Don’t let fear of your university or students hold you back from being present. Be aware of what you’re saying and that it can be shared. But don’t let that keep you from speaking at all.

I’ve come up with these tips to help you move forward.

• Think about how you spend your time on social media and why

• Take it one step at a time while checking your comfort level

• Join conversations

• Practice bragging the right way

1. Think about how you spend your time on social media and why

Why do you lurk on social media? Maybe it’s one of the reasons I listed at the top of this article. Maybe you have a story like mine, and there’s a specific reason you’ve wanted to stay private on social media.

Before you jump in, consider how and why you use social media the way you do now.

2. Take it one step at a time while checking your comfort level

Don’t try to do it all at once and become super active on social media right away. Take things one step at a time, and check-in with yourself to gauge your comfort level.

I went from being off social media to taking my current accounts out of Private mode. I posted some original content there (mostly personal photos or news). Then, I ventured out onto other social media platforms like Twitter. Now, I’m doing live video on YouTube, like my upcoming chat with Dr. Caitlin Faas about Social Media and Procrastination.

I’ve definitely broken out of my comfort zone on social media. It’s okay to try something new, even if you’re a bit uncertain.

3. Join conversations

The best way to start engaging on social media is to join conversations. It’s another effective way to stop scrolling on social media.

By replying to posts that you like or are interested in, you’re practicing meaningful engagement. Leave a comment on a post you like. It might spark a larger conversation. It’s up to you how much you want to engage, or not.

4. Practice bragging the right way

Practice writing a good news social media post, and sharing it with a personal audience like your family and friends. I know it seems easy, but imposter syndrome tends to strike academics hard when sharing good news no matter how accomplished you are.

When you brag, don’t apologize. And, be specific. Help people understand what your good news is, and why it’s important to you. While social comparison can leave us anxious about sharing good news, practicing it just once tends to make people feel good from the response.

Academic vs. Public Writing on Social Media

“I should be writing” is a common sentiment of academics on the #AcWri hashtag on Twitter. And that sentiment, the idea of academic vs. public writing, holds many professors back from social media. They’re not sure if it’s supposed to be academic or personal. How public does public writing have to be?

Social media is like having a microphone. You can turn it on when you want to reach people. You also have a lot of control over the settings. Some social media platforms help you reach a lot of people at once, like Twitter. Whereas others help you reach the people you’ve already connected with like Facebook and LinkedIn.

Being present on social media allows you to share your academic work and life when you want to. It allows you to connect with a larger audience to share your academic writing with all your audiences

• Academic

• Personal

• Public

Good luck on your social media journey, and remember it’s okay if things change over time.

To take the first steps to manage your online presence as an academic, join my free course The Internet for Academics.

Bio

Jennifer van Alstyne is a communications strategist for faculty and researchers. At The Academic Designer LLC, Jennifer helps people and organizations share their work with the world in online spaces. Her blog/podcast, The Social Academic shares advice articles and interviews twice a month. She is a Peruvian-American poet and independent scholar with a focus on representations of nature in poetry. Connect with Jennifer on Twitter @HigherEdPR.

Why I Joined The Life Coach School Certification with Brooke Castillo

I’ve completed a lot of training in my lifetime. This is proven by the fact that I earned a Ph.D. in 2013! But even since earning a doctoral degree, you may be surprised to hear that The Life Coach School Certification process is the certificate I’m most proud of. It’s the first one that I earned simply because I wanted to. I didn’t do it for external validation or praise. I did it for me.

Let me take you back to the beginning of the story. In 2016, I was going through a career crisis. I was finishing up my third year as an assistant professor in my dream job, but it had been a difficult year for me. I was struggling with teaching. Our university president had just resigned. And a project I was emotionally invested in came to a screeching halt. 

I was devastated. I found myself searching for what was next. 

Getting Started with Life Coaching

So I dipped my toes into coaching that summer and into the fall. I found Brooke Castillo’s podcast in a random search and started listening. I proceeded to complete a foundational course in an ICF accredited program and then got to work coaching. My first paid coaching client started in January 2017. 

I was thrilled to be doing something that I felt connected to. I started coaching more clients, but then I started to run into a wall. While some of my clients were taking actions and getting results, some of them weren’t and I didn’t know why. I wanted to help them.

As I continued listening to Brooke’s podcast, I absorbed more of her wisdom. (Honestly, I was very suspicious of the fake nails and eyelashes. That’s not how we typically roll in academia! I wanted to see authentic evidence.) As reticent as I was, the more I read the books she recommended, the more I realized she really knew what she was talking about.

In the summer of 2018, I began wondering about my business. I questioned whether I should keep moving forward with it. If I should continue spending my free time coaching. But then it happened, as if by magic: Brooke revealed her first online certification cohort.

Something inside of me screamed YES. You have to do this! You must make this happen. I had heard the siren call when she first opened up Self-Coaching Scholars and ignored it. Now was my time and I wouldn’t let the opportunity pass me by. 

But I was PETRIFIED of spending that kind of money. I had spent less money on my car than this program cost. I had never paid for tuition in school as I was always on scholarship or fully funded in graduate school. (I took out loans for living expenses, for sure.) But this? This was a huge deal. I was on a mission to get out of debt and this felt like moving in the opposite direction.

The Life Coach School Certification

Even so, I took the leap and signed up. That’s also when I had my first experience with quality coaching for myself. I hired someone to help me work on my money beliefs (fortuitously, she’s now my accountant). A Life Coach School certified coach helped me to process through my thoughts and fears as we geared up for the program starting in October 2018. I had so many thoughts to manage but, through that coaching, I overcame my constant worrying.

And then I became unstoppable! 

Learning all of the tools and techniques from Brooke, I knew exactly how to help my clients get results. Now I have the model and I can understand what keeps a person from taking action. It’s because of the feelings that drive them. Circumstances are neutral. But it’s thoughts that create feelings. And the good news? I get to choose my thoughts.

I couldn’t have anticipated the monumental results I got simply from showing up for myself. Just from being coached, I was able to: 

• Become a time ninja as I balanced coaching and being a professor.

• Figure out with my husband how to reconnect after years of him traveling and me “being busy.”

• Become a confident mom when we adopted out of foster care.

• Reconnect with my own mother after years of not talking.

• Earn back all of the money I invested in certification (and more) within 6 months.

• Give myself permission to trust myself and make decisions for myself instead of asking everyone else around me what I should do.

• Stop outrunning myself.

• Deal with my emotions (boredom, worry, overwhelmedness, etc).

• Realize I wasn’t supposed to be happy all of the time. (100% happiness is a myth.)

And then I created an amazing result. Brooke asked me to be on the podcast.

Brooke Castillo’s Life Coach Podcast 

Her podcast is regularly in the top 250 list of all podcasts. This was huge. If you had asked me in 2016, when I started listening to her, “Do you know you’ll be on a future episode?” I would have looked at you quizzically. In 2018, I might have said, “Yeah, maybe in 2025?” 

But here I am, on one of Brooke’s episodes in 2020, sharing my enthusiasm with the world!

Related to that experience, I was also flown out to Dallas for a photo/video shoot to talk about my experience in Coach Certification. It all happened in the same week and I only had about two weeks to prepare. You know your true priorities when an event like this happens - I could have easily said my schedule was full or I was too busy. But I dropped everything!

In order from top left to bottom right - Andrea Scalici, Lauren Cash, Elizabeth Salazar, Lisa Hatlestad, Lindsay Dotzlaf, Janet Archer, myself, and Carrie Marshall

I was privileged to spend the day in Dallas surrounded by other incredible women. The conversations in between videos (and in such a fancy house!) were mind-blowing. I saw the evidence of what it’s like to put yourself in the room with smart people. These women were mirrors for myself and what I had also accomplished. 

As I soaked everything in, I heard earth-shattering statements just casually mentioned on the car ride or at dinner. We all helped each other to shine brighter. That trip gave me so much energy to move forward. 

Although Dallas was magical, I did need to come back home. But after being surrounded by these encouraging women, I am more trusting of myself now. I used this experience to anchor myself, to remember how far I’ve come and where I’m headed.

Is Life Coaching for You?

I want the same kind of energy and motivation for you to accomplish your dreams. I want you to “trust your knowing”, as Glennon Doyle puts it. When an opportunity taps you on the shoulder and you feel pulled to it - you go for it. That’s what certification was about for me. Listening to and acting on something I truly wanted to do, just for myself. 

You probably have things like this too. Are you pushing them away or leaning into them? Even if it’s scary. It’s time to take the leap! 

Why You Need to Stop Trying to Lose Weight

Photo by Siora Photography on Unsplash

Many of my clients tell me they want to lose weight. In fact, it’s fairly common language today to say that your goal is to “lose weight”. 

We’re even told by doctors we should lose weight! But most of the time it doesn’t even work. 

Why?

Today I want to talk to you about some of the problems associated with the way we think about weight. Specifically, we’ll look at the research behind Weight-Inclusive vs. Weight-Normative approaches to health.

Admittedly, I’m not a medical doctor, psychologist or nutritionist. I am a certified life coach and weight coach through The Life Coach School and I earned my Ph.D. in Human Development and Family Studies. I understand the research, have seen it applied with my clients, and I want to share it with you in an accessible way.

As the conversation about health changes, health care professionals are trying to focus more on what works--and we know that simply shedding pounds isn’t enough. Things are shifting away from “weight-loss” and moving more toward “weight-inclusivity”. Toward what is important for health and well-being.

Makes sense, right? 

Let’s go over the weight-normative approach that society has been touting for far too long. I’m summarizing the research articles (see the below for references) to give you an overview: 

1. Our body mass index (BMI) is an outdated tool. A high BMI doesn’t mean we will develop diseases or poor health. Unlike smoking, which we know causes lung cancer because it is backed by empirical research, BMI and poor health have no established causality.

2. Body weight isn’t voluntary. Many factors are at play: genetics, access to healthy food, physical activity and other resources.

3. When people try to lose weight and can’t, learned helplessness can develop. Because they don’t lose weight on the first try, they may give up completely on their health.

4. No weight-loss intervention has worked long-term for the majority of participants. People who have maintained weight loss are the exception, not the rule. I’m an outlier myself as I’ve maintained my weight loss of 20-28 lbs for over a decade. But that’s unusual and most people gain back the weight they lose (sometimes more).

5. Weight cycling is when the weight goes up and down the scale. Weight cycling IS connected to poor health. This yo-yoing is connected to inflammation, cancer, and possibly even premature death. It also negatively influences psychological well-being because we simply don’t feel good about ourselves when we weight cycle.

6. Trying to maintain weight loss puts people at risk for eating disorders. All kinds of unhealthy behaviors can emerge from rigid dieting.

7. The weight-normative approach encourages us all to be thin and constantly striving for that. It encourages stigma against people of different sizes. These stigmas tend to show up across various settings in our lives, including health care professionals. Overweight people are viewed as lazy while thinner people are judged for being able to eat what they want. It’s a vicious cycle with a massive amount of bias. In fact, it is actually this weight stigma that is connected to poor health - not the pounds themselves. 

Wow, so did you know all of that? 

I certainly didn’t realize that this is where the research had taken us in 2020. It’s so easy to fall into the pattern of counting calories and thinking that the way we grew up was correct. We’ve learned a lot, however, and it’s time to re-train our brains. 

Regularly, I see how the weight-normative approach affects my coaching clients on a daily basis. Many of them are consumed with thoughts about tracking food as they think obsessively about losing weight. 

If only this mental energy could be freed up so they would have the time and space to think about other, more important things! To create the work they want to share with the world. Instead, they are focused on the guilt they feel from last night’s dessert. And it’s heart-breaking. 

In the weight-normative approach, my clients beat themselves up for not reaching their goals. They constantly feel shame for not doing the work they “should be doing.” And they over-complicate their lives, thinking there’s one magical answer out there.

All in all, the weight-normative approach that many of us have become accustomed to is a hazardous burden that is harmful to us in the long run. 

Photo by AllGo - An App For Plus Size People on Unsplash

Now, let me introduce you to the weight-inclusive approach.

Are you ready for some good news?

This approach focuses on health--on the positive instead of the negative. Health has many components and can be measured in a variety of ways. Attention is placed on daily actions rather than a targeted end-goal. The vision is for long-term change. 

These clinically significant improvements are associated with weight-inclusive approaches:

• Lower blood pressure

• Increased physical activity

• Decreased binge eating

• Increased self-esteem

• Decreased depression

• No adverse outcomes to this approach (unlike the weight normative approach)

• Higher body appreciation

• Lower habitual appearance monitoring

The weight-inclusive approach also calls for more empirical research about what works and what doesn’t. This approach recognizes it is important to increase access to healthy options.

Models for the Weight-Inclusive Approach:

• Health at Every Size

• Physical Activity at Every Size

• The Body Project

Rather than focusing on the negative, weight-inclusive language uses positive vocabulary, such as “body awareness”, “intuitive eating”, and “health”. 

One of my coaching clients is focused on her health--and that’s the language we use. Not “losing weight”. She recognized the need to drop the “shoulds” around losing weight and to start defining health for herself. Right now, that includes sleep and taking vitamins--not tracking her food or reading more books about weight loss.

Now that you understand a bit more, focusing on the weight inclusive approach is accessible for you. Check out my free training on how to stop overeating today.

References Used to Write this Post:

Thanks to Paula Brochu for directing me to these published articles.

Bacon & Aphramor, 2011 - https://nutritionj.biomedcentral.com/articles/10.1186/1475-2891-10-9

Logel, Stinson, & Brochu, 2015 - https://onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/spc3.12223

Tylka et al., 2014 - https://www.hindawi.com/journals/jobe/2014/983495/

Hunger, Smith, & Tomiyama, 2020 - https://spssi.onlinelibrary.wiley.com/doi/abs/10.1111/sipr.12062

How To Stop Overeating At The Office [A Quick Guide To Resist The Urge]

Photo by Obi Onyeador on Unsplash

From birthdays to a plethora of cafeteria lunch options, it’s no wonder that it’s hard to resist the urge to overeat at the office.

Are you struggling to keep sugar intake at a minimum? Does your office make things even harder? And did you know that even those with amazing office environments feel that it's hard to maintain a healthy routine while at work? 

Have a look at some tips and tricks that will help you out and even inspire others towards a healthy office lifestyle.

Office Food Tips

Now it may seem that the odds are not in your favor, but you can achieve your weight goals—and relatively easily. I know that it is easier to head to the cafeteria with the students and other professors, but you want to live the best life out there, so let’s talk strategies.

Pack a lunch the night before

Preparing lunch and snacks for the whole day is one of the best ways to eat properly while at work. Packing your meal at home allows you to plan your lunches, making sure they fit into your daily parameters.

This works for snacks too, so if you enjoy cake, rather than resisting it, swipe it for a healthier version, and give up the refined sugar for natural sweeteners. Prepare batches so you have a weekly amount to munch on with less effort. I meal prep on Sundays so that I can grab my lunches out of the fridge every morning and go.

Although it might not seem about health, home-cooked meals will save you a considerable amount of money. And we can all use the extra money in our pockets.

Photo by Helena Sollie on Unsplash

Mastering the skill to say “No”

Office peer pressure can be consuming, even when it is unintended, because it is difficult to tell your coworkers that you don’t want to eat with them or that you would rather refuse the cake they brought from home.

However, you can find ways to politely explain that you’re trying to live a healthier life and therefore, are refusing their appetizing goodies and snacks. But this doesn’t imply that you have to become isolated from your work peers.

Instead of sharing fast food and cafeteria food with them, take your own. You can still hang out with them during lunch but enjoy the lunch you’ve prepped at home.

If you notice yourself continuously eating right after lunch, choose to go for a quick walk, even if that walk is simply around campus. Removing yourself from your desk will allow you to objectively measure your hunger level.

And by being fully aware of how you feel, you can adapt your habits accordingly. If you’re still conflicted, invest in a gadget to use at your desk to unwind, stretch or make yourself a cup of tea or coffee instead. Getting involved in a project that will have you engaged for a long period of time can support shifting your focus away from food and onto something better.

Stay Hydrated

Drinking water is vital to healthy living in general. But, did you know that drinking water can help fight those mid-afternoon snacking, flush toxins, and improve your clarity during the day? Water is underestimated and is one of the easiest and most hidden ways to bring healthy living to the workplace.

Once you start drinking proper amounts of water you will observe that you’re less inclined to choose junk food and sugary drinks. You will also probably see that it’s easy for you to control your weight and stay focused all day. I keep a water bottle at my desk that I love. It makes it so much easier to sip throughout the day.

And while office eating is a big part of getting and staying healthy, you can incorporate other healthy habits into your work life as well.

Office Exercise Tips

Exercise at the office!

If you are one of the happy few who enjoys a working place with a gym, you are one of the lucky ones who doesn’t have to understand the struggle to plan a workout session before or after work. However, even if you don't have an office gym at your disposal, you can still plan some quality motion while at the office.

Because academics have jobs that are pretty sedentary, we’re unlikely to get much exercise without any effort. But just like with the necessity to make changes to your office diet, a small alteration in your office routine will help increase movement and you'll start enjoying healthier living.

Exercise will also increase blood flow to your brain, making you more active, and enhancing your productivity. All of these advantages are an addition to burning extra calories and improving muscle tone.

So how will you do it?

To include some movement into your workday at the university, begin by turning your coffee break into a short walk. You can even invite your colleagues for some good conversation and inspire healthy work relationships.  

Choose the stairs over the elevator. Or, if you want to boost your confidence and adrenaline, you could even stop a few blocks before your workstation and walk the rest of the way.

You can also try out deskercise - exercising at your desk. Bring an exercise ball into the office and alternate between sitting on it, and sitting on your chair. Sitting on an exercise ball - the correct size for your height and desk - can improve posture. Try doing a few exercises in your breaks, and you’ll notice how you actually boost your strength, too. I love my standing desk for getting up from my chair.

Pre-plan gym days

Is there someone who opts for gym sessions after a long day at the office? Unless exercise is your hobby, probably not. And you are far from being alone in this situation.

If your intention is to add an extra gym day or two to your schedule, begin by pre-planning the right days for you to be able to attend the gym. If weekends are better suited for you, then plan to hit the gym at least once or twice Friday to Sunday. Commit to one work evening, and be consistent. Or, if you know that Wednesday evenings are the best for you to shine in the gym, be willing and choose a way to hold yourself accountable. 

I love my 5:30 AM CrossFit classes. It’s a great system for me. You have to find the system that works best for you.

Think about the future

You’ll probably always regret that afternoon snack - so try to prevent it. At 3 PM, when your brain tells you that you NEED the snack. Listen to the urge, but don’t give in. Pay attention to why your body wants the snack. I go over how to do this in my free stop overeating training video.

Make sure that your office lifestyle is adjusted to the healthy lifestyle you are trying to live outside the office.

The result? You’ll feel more active on a  daily basis, healthier, more coordinated and productive. 

Let me help you focus on your weight goals and discover how to be ready for the next challenges you'll face when it comes to weight loss and how to succeed. 

Why We Self-Sabotage as Academics

Photo by Monika Kozub on Unsplash

We’re a successful group of people, we academics are. We have climbed school and career ladders that other people only dream about but rarely accomplish. We know how to gather our gold stars and make things happen within our universities and higher education institutions.

Yet, many of us struggle with aspects of our lives outside of academia. We overeat. We overdrink. We procrastinate on a big project we really want. We struggle with finances. Or in our relationships with other people. We walk around with the myth that “we can’t have it all,” and we very often tend to get in our own way. 

Dr. Gay Hendricks provides vocabulary around these ideas in his book, The Big Leap. In his book, Dr. Hendricks describes what he refers to as the “upper limit problem” which is often experienced by us in academia. 

Wondering what this looks like? Well, this often happens when we publish something amazing or when we win the grant money, but then we can’t seem to relish it. Instead, we snap ourselves back to reality and find a way to sabotage our success. We downplay it with others and move on to the next goal.

But we don’t have to do that! Instead, we can discover our giftings and live out of the places where we excel most. 

Four Zones of the Big Leap

Dr. Hendricks writes about the four zones we find ourselves in:

Zone of Incompetence

• The things we’re just not good at.

There are lots of skills we don’t have and aren’t interested in developing. For instance, I have no desire to learn how to fix things in my car so I typically have no problem leaving that up to my husband. A few weeks ago I thought, “I can change my own headlight. I’ll watch a YouTube video.” I watched for a few minutes and realized it was more complicated than I thought. Instead of continuing to spend time figuring it out, I let it go. It’s in my zone of incompetence and I’m okay with that! 

Zone of Competence

• Things we’re okay at.

I’m a competent cook. I did spend time building cooking skills in my teenage years (thank you, 4-H!). I enjoyed it then. But now, it’s not something I want to pursue. I can make a good dinner, yes. But who is even better at it? My husband. Cooking is in a different zone for him than for me. So if we put that on his plate (pun intended), we’re both winning.

Zone of Excellence

• Things we’re good at and have developed skills in.

In my own Zone of Excellence, I have many characteristics, such as enthusiasm, discipline, connecting people, warmth/kindness, optimism, joy, intelligence, reflection, and analytic skills. It’s comfortable for me to be here. I can tap into these strengths in a variety of ways.

Zone of Genius

• Where we really shine and excel when we’re in the flow.

Finding your zone of genius is like thinking about Russian nesting dolls. Where are you when you’re in the flow? That’s the first layer. 

For me, my Zone of Genius begins in a classroom or a coachings session. But then, I consider that coaching is all about helping others learn. Digging deeper into that, I realize that I’m at my best when I am learning and others are learning too. As the layers are peeled off, something more detailed emerges from inside and I discover more specifically where my Genius Zone lies.

Strengths and Superpowers

Dr. Katie Linder has a comparable concept with different language. She calls them “strengths” (Zone of Excellence), and “superpowers” (Zone of Genius). Strengths are great but the Zone of Genius is where greatness is fully amplified. It’s where you naturally do well. It’s the place where you operate so automatically that it can very quickly trigger the imposter syndrome. We wonder why others are praising us for something we’re so good at! 

How do we find our Zone of Genius? Well, it’s not always easy and it takes a bit of work. In the search for our superpowers, we ask ourselves questions like:

• What do I love doing? 

• What have I always enjoyed doing, even when I was a kid?

• What would I do if I didn’t have any barriers?

• How do I like to spend my free time?

• What fits me so naturally that I almost feel like I’m cheating?

Fighting Hidden Barriers

Hidden barriers are ways we get in our own way of living in our Zone of Genius. We doubt ourselves and pull back. We start to shine and throw up lots of obstacles. We think it shouldn’t be this easy, so we make it difficult on ourselves. We do this when we’ve experienced lots of Zone of Genius moments.

As with the number of zones, we find four roadblocks that keep us from functioning in our sweet spot: 

Hidden Barrier #1 - Fundamentally Flawed/Fear of Failure

In this barrier, we convince ourselves that we are not worthy of enjoying our genius so we play it safe and sit on the sidelines. We fear that we won’t succeed so we don’t even try. 

Hidden Barrier #2 - Disloyalty and Abandonment 

Here we believe the message that others will turn away from us if we dwell in our Zone of Genius. We assume that others in our community will feel threatened or otherwise upset and we will ultimately end up all alone. 

Hidden Barrier #3 - More Success Brings Burdens

With this barrier we tend to downplay the lives of celebrities to make ourselves feel better about our lack of success. We might have ideas such as: “I’d be/have an even bigger burden than I am/do right now if I became successful.”

Personally, I often think thoughts like this: “Well, at least no one is looking in my windows or wanting to take my trash. If I were famous like Dr. Brene Brown, I’d have to deal with those things. And who wants that?” It’s a point of self-sabotage meant to make me feel better about my less-than-ness. 

Hidden Barrier #4 - The Fear of Outshining

We send ourselves messages like these: “I don’t want to get in other people’s way. I want them to have success too, so I’ll play it small in order to let them shine.”

It’s so easy to become complacent and allow barriers to keep us from our genius. In fact, I see it all the time with my clients who don’t really want to live in their zone of genius. They are afraid and they continue an inner monologue that justifies their fears. Ultimately, they want to play small and hide.

We can choose to get out of our own way by only saying yes to things that are in our Zone of Genius.

Consider making this commitment as Dr. Hendricks suggests: “I am 100% committed to living in my Zone of Genius.”

And that means saying no to a lot of great opportunities so that you can say yes to the perfect opportunity! Why busy yourself with doing only those things you are competent at so that you aren’t available when the true, genius opportunities show their faces? 

Photo by Edu Lauton on Unsplash

Living It Out 

Now that I’ve introduced the zone of genius concept to you, it’s time for application. Personally, I needed a life coach to hold the space for me to explore these ideas. I could certainly carve out the time to sit down and make myself think about it. But I need prompts and someone to guide my thought process. So I use a coach. Having someone else to hold the space for you to discover your superpowers makes all the difference! 

Examples of Success 

Doing this type of work brings such clarity to daily decisions. Because I know when I’m in my Zone of Genius, I know exactly what to say no to. Sometimes I have to turn down what seem to be amazing opportunities because I know it’s not in my Zone of Genius.

For instance, I could analyze statistics all day, every day. It’s in my Zone of Excellence! It’s fun for me! But is it in my Zone of Genius, where I love being? Not anymore. So I say no to it. Even when it seems so attractive.  

Another way to think about it is on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being something you would love to do. If it’s a 7, it’s probably in your Zone of Excellence, but not your Genius Zone. We have to be wise about saying no to 7 opportunities, even though they are better than 3-5 opportunities!  

Right now, coaching is in my Zone of Genius. And I would be honored to be your coach to help you figure out the difference between your Zones of Excellence and Genius. Read my take on why academics should or shouldn’t hire a life coach.

You can stop settling for your Zone of Excellence. Take the leap and let me help you to also live in your Zone of Genius!

How to kick an unhealthy eating habit to the curb

Are you overeating and regretting it afterwards? Eating too many snacks after dinner? Skipping breakfast because you're out of time in the morning? Do you constantly Google- Do I eat too much?

You're not alone. There are many unhealthy eating habits and patterns that we get into over time. They usually don't start overnight, but they can be hard to shake.

The first thing to recognize is that shaming and blaming yourself isn't going to get rid of that habit.

How do you feel when you think these thoughts?

• I should be able to stop eating after dinner.

• I should be able to feed myself breakfast in the morning before I leave for work.

• I should stop eating these unhealthy snacks.

Feeling guilty? Or some other negative emotion?

Feeling guilty doesn't make us want to take the actions we want to take. It usually makes us want to run away from the problem or hide it.

Too often my coaching clients think they can "should" their way out of a habit or into a new one. It doesn't work.

What does work is generating inspiration and determination.

Those feelings come from different thoughts, like:

• I know I can change this eating habit.

• I can do anything I set my mind to.

• I can figure this process out, step by step.

• Many other people have done this before me.

• I'm looking forward to figuring out a healthy eating habit.

The key is to find the thoughts that work best for you. They have to ring true and generate positive feelings for you.

Then you'll be able to take the actions you want to take.

You'll look back at your food tracking diaries to see what patterns are emerging.

Maybe you notice that every work day at 3:00 PM you wander over to the vending machine. Seeing that pattern allows you make a shift.

Then you can say, "Instead of going to the vending machine, I'm going to pack a healthy snack the night before." Try it. See if it works for you. If it doesn't, readjust. Small tweaks can make all the difference. They add up very quickly.

You might also notice a pattern of eating more at night. A lot of people trying to lose weight can stick to their breakfast and lunch plans, but struggle in the evenings. Recognizing that's a normal human pattern is important. It's called ego depletion.

As the day goes on, our decision making abilities get fatigued. It isn't something to beat yourself up about. It's something to recognize and adapt to (see how to conquer self-control).

You'll also be able to question the thoughts you believe to be true.

If you say something like, "I need dessert after dinner," you can question that. Is it true that you need dessert? Or has it become such a habit, that you aren't even sure if you need to do it? Try a night without it. See what happens. How do you feel afterwards?

Another common thought is, "Eating this cookie will help relieve my stress." We think eating makes us feel better. Eating as a reaction to a feeling isn't a strategy that works for us long-term. It's a way to buffer away our true feelings.

If you're feeling stressed, the key is to allow the feeling of stress. It won't last very long when you actually allow the feeling. You can even start to shift with statements like, "I'm feeling stressed, which does not mean I need a cookie." Try it, see if it works for you. Write down what you notice.

As you do start to change your eating habits, build in rewards.

If you've figured out a habit you want to change and make a plan to change it, what reward will you get? We all thrive on a reward system. If you avoid the vending machine for an entire week, is there something else you want to spend that money on? Is there an experience you can gift yourself (e.g., pedicure)? Create a system for yourself to succeed and something to look forward to in the future.

And don't try to change all the habits at once.

Many of us dive head first into 5-10 new habits all at once. We also have a knack for doing it right when everything else is stressful. The semester is ending, there's a work deadline looming. So we take on "healthy eating habits" like it isn't going to be too much at once. Habit building takes time. Give yourself grace and compassion in the process. Write yourself a permission slip to work on one healthy eating habit at a time.

Extra inspiration:

• Remind yourself of your reasons for losing weight

• Recommit to your weight loss goals

• Follow the CDC recommendations to reflect, replace, and reinforce your eating habits

Want to work on your eating habits through life coaching?

Leave your details below to sign up for my free stop overeating program!

Why Do I Need a Life Coach?

Have you heard the term "life coach" and wondered what in the world that means? I hear you. I thought the same thing about four years ago when a student told me he wanted to pursue it as a career. I was very skeptical, but tried to help him as best I could. Then my sister told me about her corporate coach at work. The more she described what happened in each session, the more I wanted to know.

Wondering turned into searching online and seeking the help of my own coaches. I realized I participated in a group coaching program when I was writing my dissertation. It just wasn't called coaching back then. I pursued my own life coach certification and the rest is history for me.

What about you? What if you're still learning about it and clicked on this page? Once you've experienced high quality life coaching, it all makes sense. Of COURSE you would hire a life coach to help you get unstuck on your problems. It's my go to solution now for my own problems. Let's walk through some questions.

Have you ever set a goal for yourself, like a New Year's Resolution, and then abandoned it by February or March?

A life coach could have helped you stay on track.

First, we help set goals. Many people set vague goals for themselves. Then they need help ironing them out to be specific and measurable. A life coach can help you identify what you actually want to achieve, not only what you "think" you want to achieve. Society has plenty of New Year's Resolutions for you, but do you actually want to achieve them?

Good coaches also help with accountability throughout the process.

We point out your thought patterns that lead to feelings and actions. Through that pattern, you can see why you're getting the results you're getting. We help you change your thought patterns to be intentional instead of unintentional. We remind you why you wanted to achieve that goal in the first place. We cheer you on, especially when you're feeling down about the entire process.

Do you find yourself procrastinating?

That's one of the most common reasons people seek me out as a life coach. They have work that needs to get done or an article that needs to be written, but they keep putting it off. You might have a dream you've been meaning to pursue and everything else keeps getting in the way. I help clients work on cutting through the procrastination. We talk about changing thoughts and awesome productivity tools to help along the way.

And do you have trouble sorting through the story and the facts?

When we talk to our friends, we tell them stories and they agree with us. They say, "Oh yeah, you are SO right," all the time. That's part of why they are our friends. They agree with us.

But life coaches don't do that.

We point out the times when you're telling a story compared to when you're telling the facts. Facts are clear and provable. Facts don't have emotion tied to them. For example, you might want to say, "She's trying to make me jealous." A friend would agree with you.

As a life coach, I would ask, "How you how know for sure that she is trying to make you jealous?." You wouldn't know for sure unless the person told you in a statement. Too often, we make judgements about what other people are thinking. Life coaches help you check in with reality.

As a coach, I have distance on the situation. I'm neutral.

I'm not tied up in your situation or stories. I can see them clearly. My job is to help you see those thoughts clearly too. And you just might find yourself reframing the entire situation. We all need reality checks!

How committed are you to change?

When you're 100% committed to change, you're ready for a life coach. You might be ready to stop overeating, stop overdrinking, or stop overworking. Sometimes I talk to people about a change they are considering, but they aren't sure yet. They aren't sure if they actually want to finish a project or write that paper. Someone else or society told them they should have that goal. But they themselves aren't actually committed.

Life coaching is an investment in yourself and your future.

If you're not ready for change, you're not ready. Keep exploring why. Maybe you actually need a therapist or counselor who can help you process the past. I never push people to life coaching if they aren't 100% committed to positive change.

Want to read more reasons about why you need a life coach?

• Check out 22 more reasons you should hire a life coach to help achieve your goals.

• Or the five reasons why you shouldn't hire a life coach.

• There's also the 12 signs that you really need a life coach.

Leave your details below, and I’ll send you my tips for reclaiming your time!