The not-so-rewarding “rewards” of overworking

Overworking is a sneaky form of buffering.

It seems like a good thing with lots of rewards, until it's not.

Buffering is a concept developed by Brooke Castillo of the Life Coach School. It's all the times we avoid emotions and try to fill that space with something external.

Think about when you've eaten an entire pint of ice cream to "feel better." Do you actually feel better at the end of the pint or when you've reached the end of the bag of chips? Nope.

That's buffering. We thought something would give us lots of pleasure, but then we took it too far.

There's nothing wrong with enjoying ice cream. It's the "too much" part and avoiding our real emotions that makes it a problem.

And how many times have we had to learn that lesson again and again?

We overeat, overdrink, over-Facebook, overshop, and overwork.

We all see the pitfalls of overeating and overdrinking. Overeating contributes to obesity. Overdrinking contributes to alcoholism.

Even overshopping contributes to hoarding and debt. Too much Facebook or social media contributes to less time to do things you love or need to be getting done.

But overworking is sneaky because there are a lot more "rewards" tied to overworking.

If you put in longer hours at work, the rewards are:

• more money

• awards

• praise from your boss

• climbing up "the corporate or academic ladder"

• a possible promotion

The list goes on. In our United States culture, overworking is something we love. We put it on a pedestal and strive for more.

We don't all walk around saying, "I'd like to overwork myself this week."

But we do say, "Time to hustle. Time to grind it out."

We also say, "Hard work is important. You have to put in the hours."

"Success only comes from hard work."

Of course, hard work can be valuable and important. But remember, we're talking about buffering. The "too much aspect" of something. Avoiding our internal feelings by using something external instead.

Too much working pulls us away from other things.

Overworking takes away time from family and friends.

It takes time away from joyful activities and hobbies.

And it often keeps us out of the present moment, putting our focus on the future and tasks to be completed tomorrow.

That's why so many of my clients come to me feeling burnt out and confused about their next steps.

They think changing their circumstances (e.g., changing employers), will solve their problem.

You may be in this boat too.

I completely understand because I've been there myself.

The first step to overcoming overworking is to identify how it shows up in your life.

For me, I noticed I would fill my future calendar with tons of events. I said yes all the time to things "in a few months."

It felt far away, it felt good to say yes, and I didn't have to pay the consequences until the month actually happened.

Then I would say, "How did my calendar get so full? Why am I this overbooked?"

Decisions I made two months ago were showing up to haunt me.

You may find that you lean towards overworking when you're going through a difficult time. Maybe you lost a loved one or don't want to grapple with the anger you have. So you turn to overworking.

For me, I was trying to outrun myself. I didn't like the voice in my head, so I thought I could drown it out by overworking. (It didn't work, obviously.)

Remember, overworking seems like it helps, but it's a false pleasure.

What if you felt the feelings in that moment, instead of turning to something external?

When you feel the need to overwork, write it down. Keep writing the urges down.

What patterns show up for you?

The simple act of writing down when you feel the need to overwork will reveal so much to you.

You might find that you say yes to overworking when you're feeling scarcity about money. It seems like earning more money, especially overtime, will fill that need.

But the scarcity mentality doesn't go away through overworking. It goes away through changing your thoughts and allowing your feelings.

You might find that overworking seems great when others ask you to do it. You are "helping others" and "serving your community." But afterwards, you still feel hollow or burnt out. You start to forget why you wanted to help people in the first place. It's through changing your thoughts that helps you tap back into your reasons why.

Overworking can feel like an endless cycle because you've always done it. It's really easy to find more work, more ice cream, and more alcohol. There is no end to "more" in today's culture. Wanting to change it and thinking new thoughts drives the difference.

When you stop overworking, you find yourself with true rewards.

The reward of being in the present moment. The reward of delayed gratification. The reward of working on something you truly love, rather than working on something "meh."

Want to talk through your hang ups on overworking? Don’t hesitate to reach out.

Why You Should Stop the Social Comparison

"Everyone else has their act together, why don't I?"

I hear statements like that one from students and clients all the time. Similar statements include:

• Oh, that person? They're perfect. They wouldn't understand.

• Everyone else has their life figured out, but I don't.

• I wish I could be happy as everyone else I know.

• They must have it all together.

• I wish I could be more like that person.

These are dangerous statements to make, yet we say them all the time.

These types of statements bring us down and push us away from each other. Instead of feeling close and connected, we feel defeated and lonely. We feel like no one else could ever understand what we're going through. That we're the only one dealing with difficult emotions or sad and negative times.

It's incredibly easy to find reasons to say these statements. We scroll through perfect pictures on Instagram (are we following each other yet?). Celebrities always seem to be in our faces on advertisements and in movies. Everyone posts happy and memorable times on Facebook. Parents and loved ones ask us why we can't be more like someone else's son or daughter that they know. Our lives are constantly being compared to others.

When someone makes a social comparison in front of me, I say - "You're not alone."

It sounds so simple, but seriously. You're not alone. You feel like you should have your life together like that person? That person probably doesn't think they have their life together. They also struggle with things. They too feel sad, afraid, confused, and alone at times. Maybe they aren't willing to share the nitty gritty details with you, but I guarantee they go through the same human struggles we all go through. 

One of my favorite ways to remind myself of this is to actually talk to other people about my struggles. That takes feeling safe and comfortable enough with other people, but I can quickly do that if I break down the 'fake barriers' that keep us all from being real and open with each other. I start conversations. I reach out to people online. I respond when they reach out to me. I also like to read biographies and autobiographies of people that I admire most because it reminds me to stop putting them on a pedestal. Seven billion people on this planet - I guarantee you are not alone.

So how do you keep yourself from the constant social comparison that surrounds us?

Tell me below in the comments so we can all learn from each other!