Stop Believing You're Not Good Enough To Be A Professor

Tell me if this is you sometimes:

• I really don’t think I’m good enough to be a professor.

• I don’t really deserve this job.

• It was kind of a fluke that I got that grant.

• No one should read my book.

• *insert any other thought you have pertaining to why you might not be good enough*

I hear this from my clients all the time. As a certified life and weight coach for professors, I help professors reclaim five hours of their week, every week for themselves. And one of the ways you're not saving time right now is by telling yourself these stories about your work. Because you start believing these stories, that you’re not good enough. 

And you might even try to gather evidence to support these beliefs. 

Like, “I don’t really deserve this job; they just felt bad for me.”

“I’m not really good enough to be a professor; my students are just being nice to me.”

“No one should read my book; they published it because there were no other options.”

All of these reasons start to build and build and they become your reality.

But what I want you to do to combat this is simple.

I want you to write down the story you are telling yourself.

Write down what it is that you believe, and then write down WHY it is you believe that. 

Because then you might start to see that what you’re telling yourself to believe is actually imaginary and not true.

This is the work that I do with my clients. They bring me this long list of reasons why they think they’re not good enough, and I show them why it might not be true. I show all the reasons they are good enough to be a professor, why people do want to read their book, why they do deserve the grant, etc.

When someone comes along and gives you perspective on the reasons you are good enough, it changes your thinking. You think, well if this person believes this, then maybe I can believe it too. If they say I can handle this, maybe I can handle it. If they say I am doing great work, maybe I am and should be proud of what I am doing.

And you might not think that this actually is affecting you time-wise, but what happens when you believe these negative and false beliefs? When that judging voice pops up in your head saying you’re not good enough, or no one wants to read your work, or no one likes you? You probably get down on yourself and don’t do the work that you are setting out to do.

But when you recognize it and realize it is just not true, then you’re able to do the work you need to do. You can choose your thoughts differently around it and change the version of what you are telling yourself.

The next time you find yourself having these negative thoughts, take a moment and reassess what it is you are thinking and if it is true. You will find by reframing your thoughts you are able to have more confidence in your abilities while also saving time in the process.

Ways to be Kinder to Yourself

Do you even remember the last negative thing you said to yourself today?

I bet it happened within the last couple of hours. You might have not even noticed. We seem to have an easier time saying negative things to ourselves than anyone else in our lives. The list might include:

• I'm no good at this, I don't even know why I try.

• I hate myself for not following through on that deadline.

• I suck.

• I'm not ________ enough. (pretty, smart, charming, thin, healthy...)

• I'm never going to be able to accomplish this goal.

That's our inner critic saying a lot of negative self-talk.

Some days are our inner critic is louder than others. And recognizing it is crucial for moving forward. Clinicians and counselors are amazing at helping us work on changing our negative self-talk through cognitive behavioral therapy. And of course, the idea of positive thinking is everywhere. Almost a little too much sometimes - Melody Wilding writes about why positive thinking doesn't work and what actually does work.

So how can we also be kind to ourselves?

If I could talk to my 20-year-old self, I'd say be kinder to yourself. And I'm pretty sure my future 40-year-old self would tell me to do the same thing. We all know yelling doesn't work. The inner critic isn't helping us either. Kindness allows us the chance to breathe and relax. Kindness helps us channel a better space to get things done. Kindness helps us see new perspectives and get creative.

First, ask yourself what you would tell your best friend.

Would you tell your best friend she should just give up or yell at her to get more things done? No? So why do you tell yourself those things? It's a classic idea, but an important reminder. Only say the things to yourself that you would say to a friend or loved one. We all know kindness goes a long way when we're making and building friendships. Use the same techniques on yourself. You know the phrases and statements you like to hear. Make a list and put it where you can see it.

Second, give yourself space to make mistakes and stumble.

When we're on the productivity bandwagon and all energized about getting stuff done, we can get a little carried away and try to cram too much into too little space. I do it myself sometimes. I'll say, "That's the day I'm going to get X, Y, and Z done - definitely!" And then the day rolls around and I don't get it done. Because some days are low energy and some days I need time to rest and recharge.

Building these moments and days into my calendar is just as important as the items on my to-do list. Otherwise, I'll spend the rest of the week "beating myself up" for not getting things done. Instead, I remember to be kind to myself. "Wow, I've really had a lot going on, no wonder I needed more rest on Sunday." It often takes more time and space than we imagine in our heads when we first plan it.

Third, say no to something on your list.

Sometimes being kinder means recognizing that you aren't superhuman. We aren't little energizer bunnies all the time. And sometimes you need more rest and time to recharge than other times of the year. I know one of my statements right now is, "It's still winter, a time of hibernation and staying well rested so I don't get sick. Be kind to yourself." And that means taking some things off my plate that I might be able to accomplish at other times of the year. February is not my month for tackling big, new projects. I know this about myself.

So what's on your list that you can step back from? Say no or take a break from? Can any of it start today? Tomorrow? Next week?

So what resonates with you? What are other ways to be kind to yourself?

Share below in the comments so we can all learn from each other!