3 ways to protect your emotional bandwidth

Do you find yourself exhausted at the end of the day? Sometimes not physically, but emotionally? It’s like your emotional bandwidth, and you just feel done. Or maybe you’ve stretched yourself too far, and don't quite know how you got there? Well, you're not alone.

Our emotional bandwidth is really important to keep in mind. Especially when we schedule things, and think about our time. There are three crucial things to remember about your emotional bandwidth, and what to do about it. These are the three steps I use, and I have found them extremely useful.

First, I check in with myself throughout the day.

Maybe it’s lunchtime, so I ask myself, “How am I doing?” Or take a moment to see do I have any voices in my head? Or am I starting to complain or get a little cranky? This is the time to check in with yourself.

I do this exercise frequently throughout the day to remind myself how I’m doing and how I’m feeling. Because otherwise at night, I’ve found this from personal experience, a lot of our emotions can bottle up inside us. Then we find ourselves realizing we didn’t even know we felt that way.

Say nice things to ourselves

Then we need to say nice things to ourselves when we check in, and find a way to comfort ourselves. I know this may sound a little crazy out loud, but you'll know what I mean once you do it.

When you find yourself saying, “I don't want to do this” or “I'm tired” you might think you sound like a little kid in your head. But if you can catch it and try using a different voice, you can say something comforting back like, “Oh, hey brain. I know you're tired, and I'm sorry you’re tired right now. But hey! We’re going to do this next task”. Think of it as the language we use with young children. Very sympathetic, sweet, and understanding. This is the type of language we want to use with ourselves.

look at your schedule at the beginning of the week and look for what you have planned.

Often, a lot of my clients don't plan the day in terms of, “Oh, I didn't quite realize that on Thursdays that was going to be an emotionally bandwidth or heavy day. This is going to take a lot out of me on Thursday”. This way I can make sure I don't go out with my friend, or whatever it is on Thursday night. Instead, I need to be on the couch by myself on Thursday night, so I can protect my time because I know I am going to be exhausted some days when it's more difficult to manage. So I'm going to check in on my schedule and make sure I have time to protect my emotional bandwidth.

Those are just three simple steps to protect it. Remember to check in with yourself throughout the day, say kind things back, and make sure you're looking at your schedule at the beginning of each week to manage what's happening and how you're going to take care of yourself. I would love to hear what's working for you with your emotional bandwidth, and what you may need help with. Feel free to share all of your emotional bandwidth thoughts with me! We can figure this out together!

Why do you Want an Extra Hour in Your Day?

Almost everyone says yes to, "Do you want an extra hour in your day?"

Yes, please. I'll take an extra hour today, tomorrow, and the next day. We can all agree we like the idea of an extra hour in our day. That's why we seek out all the productivity and accountability advice we can stand. We follow people who are talking about productivity and try to learn tricks from the super organized giants out there.

We can also easily dream up what we would do with that extra hour.

Everyone has ideas of what they would do if they had extra time and a lot of them sound like this:

• I would spend more time with my family.

• I would get more sleep (how you can benefit from adjusting your sleep habits).

• I would spend it getting organized for the next day.

• I would watch an episode of my favorite show (This Is Us, anyone?).

• I would spend time on my hobbies again, the ones I keep pushing aside.

But why do you really want to do these things?

One of the big things that is missing from all these productivity conversations is purpose. Most of what I read about productivity says they'll help you find that extra hour...so you can do more work or just MORE, MORE, MORE. Why do we keep saying we need more of everything? (Tweet this thought!)

Let's shift the conversation and talk about WHY we want to be more productive.

When you stop to think about why you want that extra hour, does it get at your core values? For example, if you want to spend more time with family or friends, is it because that's what you value most in your life?

Or is the thought of why you want the extra hour based more on "what you should be doing" or "what others want you to be doing?" These are the types of reasons that make us say we want something - but then we don't follow through. We just flippantly say, "Oh yeah, I wish I had more time," without really thinking about it and delving in. Or we say, "Yeah, I wish I could be like that, all productive and super energized," but we don't really mean it.

Doing the work of figuring out your "why" does take time.

I know, it sounds counterintuitive. And it isn't a magic bullet like some other people talk about when it comes to productivity. But committing yourself to writing down your reasons is important. Having the space to breathe and ponder "why" is one of the first steps to gaining momentum on maximizing productivity. All of those hacks and tricks out there start to fall into place when you get crystal clear on why you want to be more productive. My worksheet on reclaiming your time starts to tap into these issues, so check it out.

So tell me, do you know some of the reasons why you truly want to become more productive?

The Right Mindset for Back to School

"Can you believe we already have to go back to school?"

These are the phrases we use as students (and teachers) everywhere this time of year. "Ugh, I can't believe my summer disappeared." Or "I have to start going to class again."

But what if we shifted what we say, just slightly?

One of my favorite productivity experts, Michael Hyatt, wrote about this idea earlier this year. Instead of saying, "we have to," what if we say, "we get to."

"I get to go back to school on Monday."

See the difference? It's subtle, but it takes the dread out of the sentence and shifts our mindset. Now we have something to look forward to. Now we remember that we chose to do this. We get to go back to something we are choosing to do. Again, true for both students and teachers. You might say, "Oh no, I HAVE to go school so I can get this degree...get that job...because my parents are forcing me..." the list goes on and on.

Stop and think about all the people in the world who would love to be in your shoes.

I don't say that to make you feel guilty, but to remind you of the privilege of education. Around the globe, millions of people do not have the opportunity to go to school, whether they want to be there or not. It is a privilege to be getting ready to go back to school. By using "get to" instead of "have to," we remind ourselves of that privilege.

"I get to wake up, go to school, and learn something. What a privilege."

You don't have to run around saying, "Wow, I'm SO EXCITED to go back to school," either to get into the right mindset. Just the word "get" is what changes things.

Now for the record, I am the teacher that runs around excited about the first day of school. It's the best day of the year if you ask me. Everyone is well rested, at least somewhat interested in the newness of the year, and everything is so fresh! School supplies - don't get me started on how much I love those! Yep, just quickly walk away. Nothing to see here.

What else do you "get to do" today? Share below in the comments!

5 Books to Read Right Now for Self Improvement

Self improvement books are one of my favorite things to read and share. It is almost a guarantee that if someone asks me about a particular topic, I have a book to recommend. And for friends and family, if it is close to a holiday, I am probably buying the book for them. Cue the eye rolling from my sisters when another Amazon package shows up on their doorstep.

Here on the blog I want to share my top recommendations for self improvement books to read right now. Choose one that you find appealing and dive right in. I recommend these books because they are based on current research and/or written by experts in their respective fields.

The How of Happiness by Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky

I read this book as part of a women's happiness group in graduate school. The author is an expert in the field and writes about happiness a friendly, easy to read way. At the same time, she does not sugarcoat happiness or guarantee that you will be happy all the time after reading this book. Instead, she includes action steps for each of the ways to improve happiness. So you can jump right in and implement a strategy into your life. Absolutely a must read if you have any interest in understanding happiness!

Living Forward by Michael Hyatt and Daniel Harkavy

This is a new book that I just finished myself. The theme of reflection and writing to your future self has really taken off in the past couple of years. In this book, the authors provide a strategy for considering where you want your life to go in the future. You start with the end in mind by writing your eulogy (a favorite exercise among developmental scientists) and create action plans to work towards life fulfillment. It is a short little book that requires a lot of homework, but well worth it.

Better Than Before by Gretchen Rubin

Gretchen Rubin is one of my favorite people of all time - I have seen her speak (in person) twice. This is her latest book, which really delves into a lot of research about how to become a better version of yourself. She breaks down the four tendencies, or categories of behaviors that tend to explain how we operate on a daily basis. Read the book so you can reflect on your own tendencies and how the people in your life have similar or different tendencies. Me - I'm totally an "upholder!"

The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg

When people want to change or improve their lives, sometimes they forget the basics. We don't usually need radical changes in our lives. We need to adjust our habits. Charles Duhigg explores habits and tells relevant stories throughout the book to help us understand how we use habits everyday. I have found the more consistent my habits, the easier it is to be creative.

Mindset by Dr. Carol Dweck

The science of mindsets has almost made its way into mainstream media, but not quite yet. Do you know the difference between a fixed and a growth mindset? Dr. Dweck is the leading researcher in the field and she breaks it down in a friendly way in her book.  Without the belief that you can change and grow, it is nearly impossible to make upward progress.

So that's my short list for now. Which one do you want to read? Or have you already read one of these and loved it? Do you have another recommendation for me? Leave a comment below so we can talk about books!