Why We Self-Sabotage as Academics

Photo by Monika Kozub on Unsplash

We’re a successful group of people, we academics are. We have climbed school and career ladders that other people only dream about but rarely accomplish. We know how to gather our gold stars and make things happen within our universities and higher education institutions.

Yet, many of us struggle with aspects of our lives outside of academia. We overeat. We overdrink. We procrastinate on a big project we really want. We struggle with finances. Or in our relationships with other people. We walk around with the myth that “we can’t have it all,” and we very often tend to get in our own way. 

Dr. Gay Hendricks provides vocabulary around these ideas in his book, The Big Leap. In his book, Dr. Hendricks describes what he refers to as the “upper limit problem” which is often experienced by us in academia. 

Wondering what this looks like? Well, this often happens when we publish something amazing or when we win the grant money, but then we can’t seem to relish it. Instead, we snap ourselves back to reality and find a way to sabotage our success. We downplay it with others and move on to the next goal.

But we don’t have to do that! Instead, we can discover our giftings and live out of the places where we excel most. 

Four Zones of the Big Leap

Dr. Hendricks writes about the four zones we find ourselves in:

Zone of Incompetence

• The things we’re just not good at.

There are lots of skills we don’t have and aren’t interested in developing. For instance, I have no desire to learn how to fix things in my car so I typically have no problem leaving that up to my husband. A few weeks ago I thought, “I can change my own headlight. I’ll watch a YouTube video.” I watched for a few minutes and realized it was more complicated than I thought. Instead of continuing to spend time figuring it out, I let it go. It’s in my zone of incompetence and I’m okay with that! 

Zone of Competence

• Things we’re okay at.

I’m a competent cook. I did spend time building cooking skills in my teenage years (thank you, 4-H!). I enjoyed it then. But now, it’s not something I want to pursue. I can make a good dinner, yes. But who is even better at it? My husband. Cooking is in a different zone for him than for me. So if we put that on his plate (pun intended), we’re both winning.

Zone of Excellence

• Things we’re good at and have developed skills in.

In my own Zone of Excellence, I have many characteristics, such as enthusiasm, discipline, connecting people, warmth/kindness, optimism, joy, intelligence, reflection, and analytic skills. It’s comfortable for me to be here. I can tap into these strengths in a variety of ways.

Zone of Genius

• Where we really shine and excel when we’re in the flow.

Finding your zone of genius is like thinking about Russian nesting dolls. Where are you when you’re in the flow? That’s the first layer. 

For me, my Zone of Genius begins in a classroom or a coachings session. But then, I consider that coaching is all about helping others learn. Digging deeper into that, I realize that I’m at my best when I am learning and others are learning too. As the layers are peeled off, something more detailed emerges from inside and I discover more specifically where my Genius Zone lies.

Strengths and Superpowers

Dr. Katie Linder has a comparable concept with different language. She calls them “strengths” (Zone of Excellence), and “superpowers” (Zone of Genius). Strengths are great but the Zone of Genius is where greatness is fully amplified. It’s where you naturally do well. It’s the place where you operate so automatically that it can very quickly trigger the imposter syndrome. We wonder why others are praising us for something we’re so good at! 

How do we find our Zone of Genius? Well, it’s not always easy and it takes a bit of work. In the search for our superpowers, we ask ourselves questions like:

• What do I love doing? 

• What have I always enjoyed doing, even when I was a kid?

• What would I do if I didn’t have any barriers?

• How do I like to spend my free time?

• What fits me so naturally that I almost feel like I’m cheating?

Fighting Hidden Barriers

Hidden barriers are ways we get in our own way of living in our Zone of Genius. We doubt ourselves and pull back. We start to shine and throw up lots of obstacles. We think it shouldn’t be this easy, so we make it difficult on ourselves. We do this when we’ve experienced lots of Zone of Genius moments.

As with the number of zones, we find four roadblocks that keep us from functioning in our sweet spot: 

Hidden Barrier #1 - Fundamentally Flawed/Fear of Failure

In this barrier, we convince ourselves that we are not worthy of enjoying our genius so we play it safe and sit on the sidelines. We fear that we won’t succeed so we don’t even try. 

Hidden Barrier #2 - Disloyalty and Abandonment 

Here we believe the message that others will turn away from us if we dwell in our Zone of Genius. We assume that others in our community will feel threatened or otherwise upset and we will ultimately end up all alone. 

Hidden Barrier #3 - More Success Brings Burdens

With this barrier we tend to downplay the lives of celebrities to make ourselves feel better about our lack of success. We might have ideas such as: “I’d be/have an even bigger burden than I am/do right now if I became successful.”

Personally, I often think thoughts like this: “Well, at least no one is looking in my windows or wanting to take my trash. If I were famous like Dr. Brene Brown, I’d have to deal with those things. And who wants that?” It’s a point of self-sabotage meant to make me feel better about my less-than-ness. 

Hidden Barrier #4 - The Fear of Outshining

We send ourselves messages like these: “I don’t want to get in other people’s way. I want them to have success too, so I’ll play it small in order to let them shine.”

It’s so easy to become complacent and allow barriers to keep us from our genius. In fact, I see it all the time with my clients who don’t really want to live in their zone of genius. They are afraid and they continue an inner monologue that justifies their fears. Ultimately, they want to play small and hide.

We can choose to get out of our own way by only saying yes to things that are in our Zone of Genius.

Consider making this commitment as Dr. Hendricks suggests: “I am 100% committed to living in my Zone of Genius.”

And that means saying no to a lot of great opportunities so that you can say yes to the perfect opportunity! Why busy yourself with doing only those things you are competent at so that you aren’t available when the true, genius opportunities show their faces? 

Photo by Edu Lauton on Unsplash

Living It Out 

Now that I’ve introduced the zone of genius concept to you, it’s time for application. Personally, I needed a life coach to hold the space for me to explore these ideas. I could certainly carve out the time to sit down and make myself think about it. But I need prompts and someone to guide my thought process. So I use a coach. Having someone else to hold the space for you to discover your superpowers makes all the difference! 

Examples of Success 

Doing this type of work brings such clarity to daily decisions. Because I know when I’m in my Zone of Genius, I know exactly what to say no to. Sometimes I have to turn down what seem to be amazing opportunities because I know it’s not in my Zone of Genius.

For instance, I could analyze statistics all day, every day. It’s in my Zone of Excellence! It’s fun for me! But is it in my Zone of Genius, where I love being? Not anymore. So I say no to it. Even when it seems so attractive.  

Another way to think about it is on a scale of 1-10, with 10 being something you would love to do. If it’s a 7, it’s probably in your Zone of Excellence, but not your Genius Zone. We have to be wise about saying no to 7 opportunities, even though they are better than 3-5 opportunities!  

Right now, coaching is in my Zone of Genius. And I would be honored to be your coach to help you figure out the difference between your Zones of Excellence and Genius. Read my take on why academics should or shouldn’t hire a life coach.

You can stop settling for your Zone of Excellence. Take the leap and let me help you to also live in your Zone of Genius!

How to Find People Who Can Scaffold You

Scaffolding isn't just a term for buildings or small children.

As I teach my students about child development and all of the vocabulary words, I realize how important it is to share these words in our everyday language. Scaffolding is one of those terms. We usually compare it to roof shingles or buildings, the layering or stacking of pieces to help build the entire project. Children need scaffolding to help them navigate the world. Vygotsky developed our understanding of scaffolding and the zone of proximal development. As we learn new things, like tying our shoes or riding a bike, we are scaffolded by adults. Parents and teachers don't just say, "Ride your bike!" They show us how. They give us training wheels and stand nearby in the beginning. The examples of scaffolding in our childhood years are endless.

But we all need scaffolding and help throughout our lifespan.

Right now I am in a place where I am learning from so many people around me in this online world of sharing knowledge. Their insights and inspiration keep me motivated and continue my development as a professional. It is through the scaffolding process that I grow. When I want to learn more about any topic, I usually try to find someone who just learned about it themselves.

Often I find myself encouraging my students to reach out to other people in their classes for advice. Or I recommend contacting an alum who is currently working in the very same job the student wants to work at some day. I can give advice and provide some scaffolding, but who better to help scaffold than someone living the future they want?

There are hundreds of people out there, just like you.

Almost every day I tell someone, "You are not alone." This phrase connects us to each other and reminds us that somewhere - someone else is going through the same struggles, triumphs, and experiences. We just have to find them. Sure, finding friends is one thing. Relying on our family is also helpful. But finding people outside of our immediate zone? That seems tricky and almost scary. What if you reach out to someone and they dismiss you? What if you never hear back? What if they say no?

The benefits of reaching out almost always outweigh the negatives.

Here's where I say, "It couldn't hurt to try." Want to ask that professional about their job? What's the worst that could happen? They could say no? Is that really that bad? People usually want to help you. Out of the hundreds of people I have contacted over the years, I don't think anyone has ever told me a flat out "no" to a question. Sure, sometimes they don't reply. Probably because they are really busy or have other things going on. But people usually want to share their own experiences and help others just like them. So go into it with a positive attitude and know that it is worth a shot. Marie Forleo has some great advice about finding a mentor and what types of questions to ask.

I recommend starting with a simple question.

Often when I help students or clients reach out to people, they want to ask a dozen questions at once. But trust me, a really long email with a dozen questions is often overwhelming to the receiver. Start with a simple question. Do your homework online first - don't ask ,"Where did you go to college?" if it is right there on their easy to find Linkedin Profile. But maybe ask, "What helped with your decision to attend the University of Such and Such?" Provide an introduction about yourself and why you might be asking the one, simple question. That helps provide some context for the person, especially if you do not know them at all. That will get the conversation started and it can blossom from there.

Find people at a variety of stages around you.

Think about who is two steps ahead of you and who is four steps ahead of you. Often it is easy to find people who are WAY ahead of us, admire them from afar, and secretly wonder how they do it. Those people are usually famous and have thousands of people surrounding them. That's great inspiration, but we're talking about scaffolding here. Someone who can help you with your next steps, within your own zone of proximal development. So you want to work for a particular organization? Instead of reaching out to the CEO, why not find an employee who just started working there? And someone who has been there for a few years? 

Are you a university student? It is great to talk to your college friends and parents about your next steps. But what about someone who just graduated from your university? What is their life like? What do they wish they had known when they were at your level? Where do they want to be in five years?

The other benefit to scaffolding is being able to scaffold others.

Finding people ahead of you helps scaffold your development. But I also love to connect with people who are in a zone I just exited. For example, I've been blogging for several months now. Maybe there's another professor out there who needs some scaffolding on how to make their own blog. I'm just a few steps ahead of them. And helping them reminds me how far I have come in my own progress. Helping others is a great source of satisfaction. It helps us humans feel connected!

So who can be "in your tribe" of scaffolders?

Who do you want to reach out to? Can they become part of your crew or "tribe?" You can learn from each other and keep building each other up - scaffolding along the way of development. I would love to hear about your own experiences with scaffolding, so post below in the comments!