Stop comparing your time to people around you

Are you comparing your time management skills with someone else?

Whether that is with a friend, someone you see on social media, or even comparing it to me, you're not alone! Many of you have probably heard the quote, “Comparison is the thief of joy”, and in this circumstance this statement can be very true. 

When we use that comparison to bring ourselves down, instead of lifting each other up, we get trapped. I see this all the time with my clients. They start to say to themselves:

• I should be doing better. 

• I should manage my time better. 

• I shouldn't have spent all that time watching TV. 

• I shouldn't have procrastinated. 

• I can't believe I procrastinated again. 

• I'm working with Caitlin and I'm still procrastinating. 

• Why is this happening to me? 

And they send themselves into a spiral of not being able to get out of the cycle. These comments and thoughts are only going to beat you up, and not actually change anything.

That's exactly what we want to prevent.

So sometimes it's helpful to put some of that away, and remind ourselves, “Oh yeah. I'm not going to compare myself. Especially when I'm looking at somebody's end process, compared to me just starting to work on my time management.” Remember that you could be looking at their end and you’re at the beginning. Or they're in the middle of that, and you didn't see their struggle. You’re only seeing their success.  

Social media makes this so easy to do. 

Typically, we're only going to post the good things on social media, right? That's what we do, but you don't see me on the days when I don't have as much energy. There are definitely days where I don't want to do everything on my calendar, but you don't hear how my brain works regarding this, how I shift out of it, or that I've actually created time to give myself space.

And other times I have the space built in to be like, it's okay if I take time to do this other thing. Or I want to binge watch that show. We’re all human. Or that mom of eight, who seems to have her life completely together, a Pinterest house, and it all looks like beauty and perfection. She struggles too, right? Yes! We all do.

Remember everyone is dealing with their own challenges that we can’t always see or know about. 

When I compare myself or if I start to beat myself up, it doesn't get me anywhere and it doesn't get me closer to my goal. The reason I do what I do is to lift you up, and to bring you an example that this is possible for you too! I know I did it. I know it can be possible for you. So let's bring each other up, and tell me, who are you going to stop comparing yourself to this week? Let me know. Can't wait to hear!

Don’t Let Social Media Anxiety Hold You Back with Jennifer van Alstyne

Photo by Prateek Katyal on Unsplash

Are you a social media lurker? Most people on social media are lurkers, though it doesn’t always feel like that because the people we see in our home feeds aren’t. The people we see most often tend to be sharing not just once in a while, but often.

There are many reasons people, especially professors, stay more private on social media.

Here are some I’ve come across:

• I don’t think people care about what I have to say.

• What will my students think if they follow me?

• If I say the wrong thing, will I get reported?

• I just like to scroll, but I don’t really engage.

• I don’t know what to say.

• I’m nervous about my supervisor seeing what I post.

• Will my post go viral and get me in trouble?

• What if I don’t want to post about my work?

• I have a general anxiety/fear over social media.

Whether you’re a social media lurker or anxious about putting yourself out there, I hope my story helps you. I’m Jennifer van Alstyne, a communications strategist for academics, researchers, and organizations. I help people share their work in online spaces, like social media.

Fear kept me away from social media

While I’m active on social media now, it might surprise you to learn I was so scared of social media, I deleted all my accounts. When I returned, years later, I kept my accounts very private: just for family and personal friends.

There are a few ways people use to control their privacy

• Staying off social media altogether

• Keeping your accounts private

• Using an anonymous account

• Having a traditional account, but not posting yourself except for the occasional share/retweet

• Use customized Privacy Settings in each social media platform

I’ve used all of these at one point or another.

While I did have a fear of being judged on social media, and kind of general anxiety about friends who had huge followings and tons of likes, that isn’t why I left social media.

I deleted my social media accounts after leaving a physically abusive relationship when I was 18. The idea of being seen by the person I feared most felt paralyzing. At the time, I was scared to sleep. I jumped every time the phone rang. Eventually, I moved on campus where I felt safer.

As I began to heal, I started to recognize how small I’d let my world get. I missed the friendships and larger network I’d stopped communicating with. Staying off social media altogether was no longer right for me. So I started a new Facebook account and sent out friend requests one at a time. Baby steps.

I kept being surprised when people connected. I looked deeper into my past, reaching out to childhood friends. Having so many people connect in a short timeframe made me feel good about myself because they were real people I knew. I started connecting with my professors, visiting writers, or people I met at events. When I presented at my 1st conference in undergrad, I connected with my fellow panelists.

Photo by Georgia de Lotz on Unsplash

Social media networking

Later I would learn what that was called: I was networking on social media, one person at a time. Do you groan when you hear the word networking?

As Malisa Kurtz, PhD says on the Beyond the Professoriate blog, “I didn’t realize at the time that networking is just relationship-building—getting to know people I liked, following up with them, and also supporting them when I could.” Dr. Kurtz said networking is about

• Relationship-building

• Getting to know people

• Following-up with them

• Supporting them when possible

And while she wasn’t talking about using social media for networking specifically, these things are all possible there.

Social media is great for relationship-building because it allows you and another person to connect. You can get in touch with that person, and engage with what they share. It’s a great way to get to know them in a more passive way than sometimes ‘networking’ feels.

Following-up may look like a comment or reply. Maybe, it’s a direct message. Social media allows us to support people when it’s possible because we’re more likely to see when we can help. That might look like a Like, or “Congratulations!” It can also be

• Asking for advice

• Help to connect them with someone you know

• Sharing a resource

• Friendship

Networking on social media is really about finding an audience who cares. That’s why moving past your social media anxiety is so important.

Maybe your social media anxiety is more about work. Don’t let fear of your university or students hold you back from being present. Be aware of what you’re saying and that it can be shared. But don’t let that keep you from speaking at all.

I’ve come up with these tips to help you move forward.

• Think about how you spend your time on social media and why

• Take it one step at a time while checking your comfort level

• Join conversations

• Practice bragging the right way

1. Think about how you spend your time on social media and why

Why do you lurk on social media? Maybe it’s one of the reasons I listed at the top of this article. Maybe you have a story like mine, and there’s a specific reason you’ve wanted to stay private on social media.

Before you jump in, consider how and why you use social media the way you do now.

2. Take it one step at a time while checking your comfort level

Don’t try to do it all at once and become super active on social media right away. Take things one step at a time, and check-in with yourself to gauge your comfort level.

I went from being off social media to taking my current accounts out of Private mode. I posted some original content there (mostly personal photos or news). Then, I ventured out onto other social media platforms like Twitter. Now, I’m doing live video on YouTube, like my upcoming chat with Dr. Caitlin Faas about Social Media and Procrastination.

I’ve definitely broken out of my comfort zone on social media. It’s okay to try something new, even if you’re a bit uncertain.

3. Join conversations

The best way to start engaging on social media is to join conversations. It’s another effective way to stop scrolling on social media.

By replying to posts that you like or are interested in, you’re practicing meaningful engagement. Leave a comment on a post you like. It might spark a larger conversation. It’s up to you how much you want to engage, or not.

4. Practice bragging the right way

Practice writing a good news social media post, and sharing it with a personal audience like your family and friends. I know it seems easy, but imposter syndrome tends to strike academics hard when sharing good news no matter how accomplished you are.

When you brag, don’t apologize. And, be specific. Help people understand what your good news is, and why it’s important to you. While social comparison can leave us anxious about sharing good news, practicing it just once tends to make people feel good from the response.

Academic vs. Public Writing on Social Media

“I should be writing” is a common sentiment of academics on the #AcWri hashtag on Twitter. And that sentiment, the idea of academic vs. public writing, holds many professors back from social media. They’re not sure if it’s supposed to be academic or personal. How public does public writing have to be?

Social media is like having a microphone. You can turn it on when you want to reach people. You also have a lot of control over the settings. Some social media platforms help you reach a lot of people at once, like Twitter. Whereas others help you reach the people you’ve already connected with like Facebook and LinkedIn.

Being present on social media allows you to share your academic work and life when you want to. It allows you to connect with a larger audience to share your academic writing with all your audiences

• Academic

• Personal

• Public

Good luck on your social media journey, and remember it’s okay if things change over time.

To take the first steps to manage your online presence as an academic, join my free course The Internet for Academics.

Bio

Jennifer van Alstyne is a communications strategist for faculty and researchers. At The Academic Designer LLC, Jennifer helps people and organizations share their work with the world in online spaces. Her blog/podcast, The Social Academic shares advice articles and interviews twice a month. She is a Peruvian-American poet and independent scholar with a focus on representations of nature in poetry. Connect with Jennifer on Twitter @HigherEdPR.

How to Make Actionable Steps Work in Your Daily Life

Do you have trouble sticking to your plans and to-do lists?

You're not alone. A lot of people know the nuts and bolts of time management and productivity. They know what they "want" to be doing or that they want more time in their day. But it seems really hard to execute the plan. Or they start out really well, for a week...and then it all falls apart. 

If you've been reading my blog for awhile, you know I'm all about being productive for a purpose. So I always start with helping people figure out the purpose behind wanting to "accomplish more" or "get more things done." Do you know why you want an extra hour in your day? After gaining clarity on your "reasons why," then it's time to figure out how to take actionable steps.

After gaining clarity on your purpose, then it's about figuring out where to start.

Often when I'm helping clients or students figure out where to begin with steps, they need to start with tracking. It sounds too obvious almost. But seriously, ask yourself these questions:

• How much time did I spend surfing the internet when I wanted to be working yesterday?

• How much time am I actually commuting?

• Exactly how much time did I sleep last night?

• What did I eat for lunch yesterday?

These are the kinds of questions people have vague answers to usually, but can't point. So I recommend tracking. Hour by hour, track your time and where it goes. I love tracking and somehow I still managed to not realize how much time I was spending on Facebook last month. I had turned off my StayFocusd browser extension and thought I wasn't spending "that much time." Oh I was spending lots of time. Almost an hour a day (broken up into tiny moments, but it all added up quickly). StayFocusd is back on and it reminds me when I'm getting close to my daily limit. You'd be surprised at how much awareness comes from tracking, even from just a day.

After tracking and gaining awareness, it's about pinpointing something small.

Time to get a tiny snowball shaped and formed. Something to get the momentum started. Eventually it will turn into an avalanche, but for now, form one small snowball. What is one place you are "wasting time" in your day? And what can you do about it?

• Can you go to sleep 15 minutes earlier (replacing browsing updates)?

• Can you delete an app that keeps distracting you?

• Do you have to be the one completing the action? In other words, can you outsource something small?

• When are you most able to focus? And can the task that needs the most work move to that time slot?

• Have you thought about actually scheduling "down time" instead of crashing into it from exhaustion?

Just try one thing. For at least a week. Be consistent about it and see what kind of results you get. Does it help? Does it not help? You're on a mission to conduct mini-experiments here. Some things may not work out and that's okay because they are tiny and can be changed.

Along the way, most people benefit from some type of accountability.

Whether or not you need accountability on each of your goals depends on a lot of things. One of my favorite resources for this issue is from Gretchen Rubin's Four Tendencies. I'm an upholder, so I keep myself accountable for most of my own goals. But a lot of people are obligers and need the extra support from a friend, a colleague, a coach, or someone else on a regular basis. If you're not familiar with her tendencies, be sure to check them out. Knowing your own tendency helps you know what works best in for you.

"Don't compare your start to someone else's middle."

A classic line that several people as a reminder when working on goals. As you start to get the ball rolling on taking action and asking someone to help keep you accountable, you might start to look around. And you might start to notice that lots of other people are "doing it better" than you are. They seem to have this productivity thing all figured out. They seem to manage their time really well. Be careful of the social comparison - it's a slippery slope. Stop and remind yourself that it probably took them months if not years to get to that point. You're beginning today. They are somewhere in the middle. Encourage yourself by talking to others who are in the exact same boat with progress.

When the ball is rolling along steadily, shift to the bigger picture.

After gaining momentum for several weeks or months, try to step back and see the bigger picture. Are tasks on your list becoming "less urgent" thanks to your new steps? I'm always working with people to move out of the "important, urgent" part of the Eisenhower box. When everything is both important and urgent, it can be overwhelming to make any progress. Reducing the amount of things in that one section can help you focus on the rest of the tasks you want to accomplish. 

So tell me, what's the next small step you want to start to take action? Leave a comment below!

Why You Should Stop the Social Comparison

"Everyone else has their act together, why don't I?"

I hear statements like that one from students and clients all the time. Similar statements include:

• Oh, that person? They're perfect. They wouldn't understand.

• Everyone else has their life figured out, but I don't.

• I wish I could be happy as everyone else I know.

• They must have it all together.

• I wish I could be more like that person.

These are dangerous statements to make, yet we say them all the time.

These types of statements bring us down and push us away from each other. Instead of feeling close and connected, we feel defeated and lonely. We feel like no one else could ever understand what we're going through. That we're the only one dealing with difficult emotions or sad and negative times.

It's incredibly easy to find reasons to say these statements. We scroll through perfect pictures on Instagram (are we following each other yet?). Celebrities always seem to be in our faces on advertisements and in movies. Everyone posts happy and memorable times on Facebook. Parents and loved ones ask us why we can't be more like someone else's son or daughter that they know. Our lives are constantly being compared to others.

When someone makes a social comparison in front of me, I say - "You're not alone."

It sounds so simple, but seriously. You're not alone. You feel like you should have your life together like that person? That person probably doesn't think they have their life together. They also struggle with things. They too feel sad, afraid, confused, and alone at times. Maybe they aren't willing to share the nitty gritty details with you, but I guarantee they go through the same human struggles we all go through. 

One of my favorite ways to remind myself of this is to actually talk to other people about my struggles. That takes feeling safe and comfortable enough with other people, but I can quickly do that if I break down the 'fake barriers' that keep us all from being real and open with each other. I start conversations. I reach out to people online. I respond when they reach out to me. I also like to read biographies and autobiographies of people that I admire most because it reminds me to stop putting them on a pedestal. Seven billion people on this planet - I guarantee you are not alone.

So how do you keep yourself from the constant social comparison that surrounds us?

Tell me below in the comments so we can all learn from each other!