Don’t Let Social Media Anxiety Hold You Back with Jennifer van Alstyne

Photo by Prateek Katyal on Unsplash

Are you a social media lurker? Most people on social media are lurkers, though it doesn’t always feel like that because the people we see in our home feeds aren’t. The people we see most often tend to be sharing not just once in a while, but often.

There are many reasons people, especially professors, stay more private on social media.

Here are some I’ve come across:

• I don’t think people care about what I have to say.

• What will my students think if they follow me?

• If I say the wrong thing, will I get reported?

• I just like to scroll, but I don’t really engage.

• I don’t know what to say.

• I’m nervous about my supervisor seeing what I post.

• Will my post go viral and get me in trouble?

• What if I don’t want to post about my work?

• I have a general anxiety/fear over social media.

Whether you’re a social media lurker or anxious about putting yourself out there, I hope my story helps you. I’m Jennifer van Alstyne, a communications strategist for academics, researchers, and organizations. I help people share their work in online spaces, like social media.

Fear kept me away from social media

While I’m active on social media now, it might surprise you to learn I was so scared of social media, I deleted all my accounts. When I returned, years later, I kept my accounts very private: just for family and personal friends.

There are a few ways people use to control their privacy

• Staying off social media altogether

• Keeping your accounts private

• Using an anonymous account

• Having a traditional account, but not posting yourself except for the occasional share/retweet

• Use customized Privacy Settings in each social media platform

I’ve used all of these at one point or another.

While I did have a fear of being judged on social media, and kind of general anxiety about friends who had huge followings and tons of likes, that isn’t why I left social media.

I deleted my social media accounts after leaving a physically abusive relationship when I was 18. The idea of being seen by the person I feared most felt paralyzing. At the time, I was scared to sleep. I jumped every time the phone rang. Eventually, I moved on campus where I felt safer.

As I began to heal, I started to recognize how small I’d let my world get. I missed the friendships and larger network I’d stopped communicating with. Staying off social media altogether was no longer right for me. So I started a new Facebook account and sent out friend requests one at a time. Baby steps.

I kept being surprised when people connected. I looked deeper into my past, reaching out to childhood friends. Having so many people connect in a short timeframe made me feel good about myself because they were real people I knew. I started connecting with my professors, visiting writers, or people I met at events. When I presented at my 1st conference in undergrad, I connected with my fellow panelists.

Photo by Georgia de Lotz on Unsplash

Social media networking

Later I would learn what that was called: I was networking on social media, one person at a time. Do you groan when you hear the word networking?

As Malisa Kurtz, PhD says on the Beyond the Professoriate blog, “I didn’t realize at the time that networking is just relationship-building—getting to know people I liked, following up with them, and also supporting them when I could.” Dr. Kurtz said networking is about

• Relationship-building

• Getting to know people

• Following-up with them

• Supporting them when possible

And while she wasn’t talking about using social media for networking specifically, these things are all possible there.

Social media is great for relationship-building because it allows you and another person to connect. You can get in touch with that person, and engage with what they share. It’s a great way to get to know them in a more passive way than sometimes ‘networking’ feels.

Following-up may look like a comment or reply. Maybe, it’s a direct message. Social media allows us to support people when it’s possible because we’re more likely to see when we can help. That might look like a Like, or “Congratulations!” It can also be

• Asking for advice

• Help to connect them with someone you know

• Sharing a resource

• Friendship

Networking on social media is really about finding an audience who cares. That’s why moving past your social media anxiety is so important.

Maybe your social media anxiety is more about work. Don’t let fear of your university or students hold you back from being present. Be aware of what you’re saying and that it can be shared. But don’t let that keep you from speaking at all.

I’ve come up with these tips to help you move forward.

• Think about how you spend your time on social media and why

• Take it one step at a time while checking your comfort level

• Join conversations

• Practice bragging the right way

1. Think about how you spend your time on social media and why

Why do you lurk on social media? Maybe it’s one of the reasons I listed at the top of this article. Maybe you have a story like mine, and there’s a specific reason you’ve wanted to stay private on social media.

Before you jump in, consider how and why you use social media the way you do now.

2. Take it one step at a time while checking your comfort level

Don’t try to do it all at once and become super active on social media right away. Take things one step at a time, and check-in with yourself to gauge your comfort level.

I went from being off social media to taking my current accounts out of Private mode. I posted some original content there (mostly personal photos or news). Then, I ventured out onto other social media platforms like Twitter. Now, I’m doing live video on YouTube, like my upcoming chat with Dr. Caitlin Faas about Social Media and Procrastination.

I’ve definitely broken out of my comfort zone on social media. It’s okay to try something new, even if you’re a bit uncertain.

3. Join conversations

The best way to start engaging on social media is to join conversations. It’s another effective way to stop scrolling on social media.

By replying to posts that you like or are interested in, you’re practicing meaningful engagement. Leave a comment on a post you like. It might spark a larger conversation. It’s up to you how much you want to engage, or not.

4. Practice bragging the right way

Practice writing a good news social media post, and sharing it with a personal audience like your family and friends. I know it seems easy, but imposter syndrome tends to strike academics hard when sharing good news no matter how accomplished you are.

When you brag, don’t apologize. And, be specific. Help people understand what your good news is, and why it’s important to you. While social comparison can leave us anxious about sharing good news, practicing it just once tends to make people feel good from the response.

Academic vs. Public Writing on Social Media

“I should be writing” is a common sentiment of academics on the #AcWri hashtag on Twitter. And that sentiment, the idea of academic vs. public writing, holds many professors back from social media. They’re not sure if it’s supposed to be academic or personal. How public does public writing have to be?

Social media is like having a microphone. You can turn it on when you want to reach people. You also have a lot of control over the settings. Some social media platforms help you reach a lot of people at once, like Twitter. Whereas others help you reach the people you’ve already connected with like Facebook and LinkedIn.

Being present on social media allows you to share your academic work and life when you want to. It allows you to connect with a larger audience to share your academic writing with all your audiences

• Academic

• Personal

• Public

Good luck on your social media journey, and remember it’s okay if things change over time.

To take the first steps to manage your online presence as an academic, join my free course The Internet for Academics.

Bio

Jennifer van Alstyne is a communications strategist for faculty and researchers. At The Academic Designer LLC, Jennifer helps people and organizations share their work with the world in online spaces. Her blog/podcast, The Social Academic shares advice articles and interviews twice a month. She is a Peruvian-American poet and independent scholar with a focus on representations of nature in poetry. Connect with Jennifer on Twitter @HigherEdPR.

Ways to be Kinder to Yourself

Do you even remember the last negative thing you said to yourself today?

I bet it happened within the last couple of hours. You might have not even noticed. We seem to have an easier time saying negative things to ourselves than anyone else in our lives. The list might include:

• I'm no good at this, I don't even know why I try.

• I hate myself for not following through on that deadline.

• I suck.

• I'm not ________ enough. (pretty, smart, charming, thin, healthy...)

• I'm never going to be able to accomplish this goal.

That's our inner critic saying a lot of negative self-talk.

Some days are our inner critic is louder than others. And recognizing it is crucial for moving forward. Clinicians and counselors are amazing at helping us work on changing our negative self-talk through cognitive behavioral therapy. And of course, the idea of positive thinking is everywhere. Almost a little too much sometimes - Melody Wilding writes about why positive thinking doesn't work and what actually does work.

So how can we also be kind to ourselves?

If I could talk to my 20-year-old self, I'd say be kinder to yourself. And I'm pretty sure my future 40-year-old self would tell me to do the same thing. We all know yelling doesn't work. The inner critic isn't helping us either. Kindness allows us the chance to breathe and relax. Kindness helps us channel a better space to get things done. Kindness helps us see new perspectives and get creative.

First, ask yourself what you would tell your best friend.

Would you tell your best friend she should just give up or yell at her to get more things done? No? So why do you tell yourself those things? It's a classic idea, but an important reminder. Only say the things to yourself that you would say to a friend or loved one. We all know kindness goes a long way when we're making and building friendships. Use the same techniques on yourself. You know the phrases and statements you like to hear. Make a list and put it where you can see it.

Second, give yourself space to make mistakes and stumble.

When we're on the productivity bandwagon and all energized about getting stuff done, we can get a little carried away and try to cram too much into too little space. I do it myself sometimes. I'll say, "That's the day I'm going to get X, Y, and Z done - definitely!" And then the day rolls around and I don't get it done. Because some days are low energy and some days I need time to rest and recharge.

Building these moments and days into my calendar is just as important as the items on my to-do list. Otherwise, I'll spend the rest of the week "beating myself up" for not getting things done. Instead, I remember to be kind to myself. "Wow, I've really had a lot going on, no wonder I needed more rest on Sunday." It often takes more time and space than we imagine in our heads when we first plan it.

Third, say no to something on your list.

Sometimes being kinder means recognizing that you aren't superhuman. We aren't little energizer bunnies all the time. And sometimes you need more rest and time to recharge than other times of the year. I know one of my statements right now is, "It's still winter, a time of hibernation and staying well rested so I don't get sick. Be kind to yourself." And that means taking some things off my plate that I might be able to accomplish at other times of the year. February is not my month for tackling big, new projects. I know this about myself.

So what's on your list that you can step back from? Say no or take a break from? Can any of it start today? Tomorrow? Next week?

So what resonates with you? What are other ways to be kind to yourself?

Share below in the comments so we can all learn from each other!

The Importance of Taking a True Day of Rest

We are currently on fall break at my university. As students were taking midterm exams and getting ready for break, I heard a lot of statements like, "I'm going to get a TON of work done over break," or "I can look up jobs during fall break, when I have more free time." While it is great to set goals and things we want to do during break, sometimes it is a little much.

We often overestimate what we can accomplish in a short amount of time.

When we have a whole day in front of us, with no classes or appointments or other commitments, it can seem like we should just "go, go, go" and get everything done. But productivity does not come that easily, especially after pushing ourselves really hard for awhile. My students that say, "I'll be able to do that once break gets here," forget the keyword in the sentence. Break. Breaks shouldn't be the time to push even harder.

Breaks should be used as opportunities to rest and rejuvenate.

Whether it is a week-long break, a holiday weekend, or just a Saturday afternoon you reserve for yourself, taking a break is just as important as the time you schedule to get things done. It seems counterintuitive, but taking a day of rest can actually better prepare you for the days where you need to work hard. You'll have more energy and motivation after a rest day.

Use these strategies to create rest periods and days.

Have you been convinced that rest is important yet? Sometimes it is tricky to actually create a rest day or period of time. I like to use these strategies:

• Block off a chunk of time in your calendar. Aim for an entire day, but do what you can. Do not let anyone else schedule that time with you. Make up another 'commitment' to tell people if they are going to scoff at the idea of a rest day. But reserve the time and keep it firm. That will make it more likely you will stick to it.

• Schedule rest time after a really stressful day or time. There's a reason why our fall break at school is right after midterms. Do you have a big presentation at work that you need to schedule a rest day after? Or know you'll need to catch up on rest after traveling for a weekend? I try to build these days in around stressful times, to help balance out my weeks.

• Think about what will make your scheduled time truly restful. If laying on the couch all day has absolutely no appeal to you and sounds more stressful than actually doing something...well - that's not a rest day for you. Maybe your rest involves watching a relaxing television show, eating some of your favorite foods, or spending time resting outside. Figure out what rest actually looks like for you so you have something to look forward to on rest days.

• Unplug. Actually unplug. I know, I know. It seems obvious. But we so rarely do it. Do not let emails or text messages or random Snapchats get into your rest time. Let it go. It will still be waiting for you when you return.

• After a rest time period or day, reflect on why it was successful. Did you get caught up on sleep? Did you feel like you could actually relax? What was it that made the time restful? Save this information for yourself so you know how to make the next rest day even better.

Another reason to take a rest day is to avoid guilt.

After fall break, I'll start to hear the usual statements from students. "I just didn't get everything done that I wanted to over break." "I ended up just sleeping the entire time instead of getting anything done." "I had big plans, but they all disappeared once I went home."

Yep, it's understandable. When we put too much on our plate and then don't get it done, we feel a cycle of guilt and regret. And no one needs to come back from a break feeling that way. Instead, know that you are intentionally and purposefully taking a break. When I come back from break, I plan to say, "I'm really glad I took the time to rest." We'll need it for the months ahead.

So what's your favorite way to rest and relax?

Tell me below in the comments or feel free to connect with me! I would love to hear your favorite strategies.