Don’t Let Social Media Anxiety Hold You Back with Jennifer van Alstyne

Photo by Prateek Katyal on Unsplash

Are you a social media lurker? Most people on social media are lurkers, though it doesn’t always feel like that because the people we see in our home feeds aren’t. The people we see most often tend to be sharing not just once in a while, but often.

There are many reasons people, especially professors, stay more private on social media.

Here are some I’ve come across:

• I don’t think people care about what I have to say.

• What will my students think if they follow me?

• If I say the wrong thing, will I get reported?

• I just like to scroll, but I don’t really engage.

• I don’t know what to say.

• I’m nervous about my supervisor seeing what I post.

• Will my post go viral and get me in trouble?

• What if I don’t want to post about my work?

• I have a general anxiety/fear over social media.

Whether you’re a social media lurker or anxious about putting yourself out there, I hope my story helps you. I’m Jennifer van Alstyne, a communications strategist for academics, researchers, and organizations. I help people share their work in online spaces, like social media.

Fear kept me away from social media

While I’m active on social media now, it might surprise you to learn I was so scared of social media, I deleted all my accounts. When I returned, years later, I kept my accounts very private: just for family and personal friends.

There are a few ways people use to control their privacy

• Staying off social media altogether

• Keeping your accounts private

• Using an anonymous account

• Having a traditional account, but not posting yourself except for the occasional share/retweet

• Use customized Privacy Settings in each social media platform

I’ve used all of these at one point or another.

While I did have a fear of being judged on social media, and kind of general anxiety about friends who had huge followings and tons of likes, that isn’t why I left social media.

I deleted my social media accounts after leaving a physically abusive relationship when I was 18. The idea of being seen by the person I feared most felt paralyzing. At the time, I was scared to sleep. I jumped every time the phone rang. Eventually, I moved on campus where I felt safer.

As I began to heal, I started to recognize how small I’d let my world get. I missed the friendships and larger network I’d stopped communicating with. Staying off social media altogether was no longer right for me. So I started a new Facebook account and sent out friend requests one at a time. Baby steps.

I kept being surprised when people connected. I looked deeper into my past, reaching out to childhood friends. Having so many people connect in a short timeframe made me feel good about myself because they were real people I knew. I started connecting with my professors, visiting writers, or people I met at events. When I presented at my 1st conference in undergrad, I connected with my fellow panelists.

Photo by Georgia de Lotz on Unsplash

Social media networking

Later I would learn what that was called: I was networking on social media, one person at a time. Do you groan when you hear the word networking?

As Malisa Kurtz, PhD says on the Beyond the Professoriate blog, “I didn’t realize at the time that networking is just relationship-building—getting to know people I liked, following up with them, and also supporting them when I could.” Dr. Kurtz said networking is about

• Relationship-building

• Getting to know people

• Following-up with them

• Supporting them when possible

And while she wasn’t talking about using social media for networking specifically, these things are all possible there.

Social media is great for relationship-building because it allows you and another person to connect. You can get in touch with that person, and engage with what they share. It’s a great way to get to know them in a more passive way than sometimes ‘networking’ feels.

Following-up may look like a comment or reply. Maybe, it’s a direct message. Social media allows us to support people when it’s possible because we’re more likely to see when we can help. That might look like a Like, or “Congratulations!” It can also be

• Asking for advice

• Help to connect them with someone you know

• Sharing a resource

• Friendship

Networking on social media is really about finding an audience who cares. That’s why moving past your social media anxiety is so important.

Maybe your social media anxiety is more about work. Don’t let fear of your university or students hold you back from being present. Be aware of what you’re saying and that it can be shared. But don’t let that keep you from speaking at all.

I’ve come up with these tips to help you move forward.

• Think about how you spend your time on social media and why

• Take it one step at a time while checking your comfort level

• Join conversations

• Practice bragging the right way

1. Think about how you spend your time on social media and why

Why do you lurk on social media? Maybe it’s one of the reasons I listed at the top of this article. Maybe you have a story like mine, and there’s a specific reason you’ve wanted to stay private on social media.

Before you jump in, consider how and why you use social media the way you do now.

2. Take it one step at a time while checking your comfort level

Don’t try to do it all at once and become super active on social media right away. Take things one step at a time, and check-in with yourself to gauge your comfort level.

I went from being off social media to taking my current accounts out of Private mode. I posted some original content there (mostly personal photos or news). Then, I ventured out onto other social media platforms like Twitter. Now, I’m doing live video on YouTube, like my upcoming chat with Dr. Caitlin Faas about Social Media and Procrastination.

I’ve definitely broken out of my comfort zone on social media. It’s okay to try something new, even if you’re a bit uncertain.

3. Join conversations

The best way to start engaging on social media is to join conversations. It’s another effective way to stop scrolling on social media.

By replying to posts that you like or are interested in, you’re practicing meaningful engagement. Leave a comment on a post you like. It might spark a larger conversation. It’s up to you how much you want to engage, or not.

4. Practice bragging the right way

Practice writing a good news social media post, and sharing it with a personal audience like your family and friends. I know it seems easy, but imposter syndrome tends to strike academics hard when sharing good news no matter how accomplished you are.

When you brag, don’t apologize. And, be specific. Help people understand what your good news is, and why it’s important to you. While social comparison can leave us anxious about sharing good news, practicing it just once tends to make people feel good from the response.

Academic vs. Public Writing on Social Media

“I should be writing” is a common sentiment of academics on the #AcWri hashtag on Twitter. And that sentiment, the idea of academic vs. public writing, holds many professors back from social media. They’re not sure if it’s supposed to be academic or personal. How public does public writing have to be?

Social media is like having a microphone. You can turn it on when you want to reach people. You also have a lot of control over the settings. Some social media platforms help you reach a lot of people at once, like Twitter. Whereas others help you reach the people you’ve already connected with like Facebook and LinkedIn.

Being present on social media allows you to share your academic work and life when you want to. It allows you to connect with a larger audience to share your academic writing with all your audiences

• Academic

• Personal

• Public

Good luck on your social media journey, and remember it’s okay if things change over time.

To take the first steps to manage your online presence as an academic, join my free course The Internet for Academics.

Bio

Jennifer van Alstyne is a communications strategist for faculty and researchers. At The Academic Designer LLC, Jennifer helps people and organizations share their work with the world in online spaces. Her blog/podcast, The Social Academic shares advice articles and interviews twice a month. She is a Peruvian-American poet and independent scholar with a focus on representations of nature in poetry. Connect with Jennifer on Twitter @HigherEdPR.

How to Effectively Deal with your Back to College Stress

Maybe everything was sunshine and rainbows when you were thinking about going back to college in early August. You were most worried about your new wardrobe or which colors of pens to purchase.

But then reality set in. Only a few weeks into the semester and your stress is already building.

Yep, I get it. I may be on the "other side" as a college professor, but being on this side of things helps me see your perspective. So many papers to write and so many deadlines. Your professors expect a lot out of you, you want to spend time on your social life...not to mention juggling work and thinking about your future career. It's a lot to deal with all at once! Especially if you had a nice break this summer.

The good news is you are not alone and there are many strategies that can help.

Many other college students feel the same stress - I can promise you that. Maybe they don't look like it in class, but many of your peers are dealing with the exact same feelings. Do you hang out with the people who feed into your stress, just constantly talking about it? Or do you DO something about your stress? Well you must be ready to take action since you're reading this blog post! Surround yourself with people who are ready to take action and actually do something about their stress.

Map out your entire semester by weekly tasks and activities.

This sounds like a lot of work, but just a few minutes mapping out your semester can help you see the bigger picture. You can draw something simple or make a fancy Excel file. Either way, visualize the semester and the weeks in front of you. Do you have three exams in one week? Or a big project due before November? Map it out so you can see where the most "stressful" times will occur. 

Now can you dial back on some of your other activities during the most stressful weeks? If week eight looks like it will be jam-packed with exams,  papers, and projects, then can you find a way to work less at your job that week? Or make sure you have no ambitions to binge watch something on Netflix? Knowing that a big week is coming up helps you plan ahead. You can also warn others around you about your most stressful week. Tell your long distance friend that they might not hear from you until week nine or ten. Mapping is a great tool that helps you break down projects and the semester into manageable pieces. Think of that classic saying - you have to eat the elephant one bite at a time...and you'll be taking your semester one day or week at a time.

Schedule "worry sessions" for yourself.

A lot of times our stress is caused by the worry we have. You worry about your future career. You worry about what you said in class. Or how you reacted to a friend. Or what your sibling is up to back home. The list of things you might be worrying about is endless. But thinking about all of that worry all the time wears you down. And leads you to say, "I'm stressed out." Some of the worry is manageable through action steps, like we talked about above. But other times the worry just doesn't seem to go anywhere.

So what if you scheduled a "worry session" each day for yourself? You could say, "Between 8:00-8:30pm I am going to just sit and worry." The idea is that as worries start to pop up in your day, you say, "I'll save these for later," instead of stewing about them throughout your day. Try it out. See if it helps with the rest of your day. Now you might want to follow it up with a session of mindfulness meditation or relaxation. But "saving" your worries for later may help you recognize that your day does not have to be consumed by them.

* And if you deal with any anxiety disorders, please follow your counselor's or therapist's recommendations for your care. Of course!

Spend ten minutes writing about why you value your education.

I know, more writing in your life is just what you need! But hear me out. Writing out your personal values has a lot of research behind it. So let's tailor it to your education. Why are you working on your degree? Why are you in college at all? List out the reasons and hang on to the list. Revisiting the list from time to time can help remind you about your core values related to education. You'll get through this stress and this semester. Especially because you value it.

So those are some quick tips for you to effectively deal with back to college stress.

What else do you use on a regular basis to help deal with your stress? Share below in the comments!