Feeling frustrated at an administrator right now?
Let’s imagine for a second. You're frustrated because an administrator sent an email that says something in administrative speak that you're just instantly frustrated because you're thinking “they don't understand me. I'm already overloaded. Why are they doing this to me?” Pretty common scenario? You start getting this frustration that you don't know what to do with. It starts to build up and you might find yourself:
Complaining to a colleague.
Beating yourself up.
You're judging yourself.
Taking frustration out on the people in your life, like your spouse, kids, or friends.
While during the moment of frustration while you were serene or accepting of what was being said on the outside, inside you were boiling. And that's part of why it shows up later in your personal life.
But there's a much simpler way to handle the frustration.
CATCH YOURSELF WHILE YOU’RE COMPLAINING
When you find yourself complaining, can you catch yourself? Can you catch yourself wanting to explode? Can you catch yourself ruminating or judging yourself in your head? That's the moment to pause and say, “wait, here I am frustrated.” When you can stop and identify that you are frustrated, you are able to then take the next steps to release that frustration.
TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND RELAX
Usually when you get frustrated you can feel it in your body. You might hunch over, get balled fists, and have a general tightness about you. So when you find yourself in these moments, take a deep breath and relax. Release the tension so that you’re able to approach the situation in a calm manner. You’re not changing the story or change the thoughts you are having, but you do want to get away from the frustration.
RELEASE THE EMOTIONS
Trust me, I know it isn’t easy. I couldn't do this for a really long time. I couldn't feel it or recognize what was going on. But that doesn’t mean that other people in your life can’t see that pattern or be more in tune. But now, if I'm at my desk, I can stop and say “Oh wait, what's going on right now?” Then I can relax and take a deep breath. I’ve built up a story about what's going on right now, and while I’m not trying to change the thought I’m having, I'm trying to get away from frustration.
One of my clients described this as kind of going in with a spoon and gathering up the frustration, living it out, and then it's done. Then you’re not lashing out at anyone later or building up all the emotions until the end of the week.
When you do these things when you notice the frustration happening in the moment, you save time because now you're not going to be trying to repair relationships from when you exploded on somebody. You're going to spend less time complaining to a friend or a colleague. You're going to have space to feel other things and get back into your productive, curious, open feelings. That's when you get your work done, not from the frustrated place, not from the bottled up place.
Frustration is so common in academia and when we don’t deal with it as it is happening it can very easily spill into the other areas of our lives. With these steps you’ll be able to recognize when it’s happening and address the frustration head on.
